Today marks the end of a delirious old-timey End Of The World party for advertisers and the swiftly dying ratings system on which they base their careers, called the upfronts, which is an industry term meaning "making TV stars act like carnies in front of suits that don't care because they are drunk." Here's a short rundown of the major nets' fall schedules—the downlow on the upfronts, if you will—for us to chat about:

ABC: AFHV, Once Upon A Time* (Galavant), Resurrection, Revenge
CBS: 60 Minutes, Madam Secretary, The Good Wife, CSI* (CSI:CYBER)
NBC: Football
FOX: Bob's Burgers, The Simpsons, Brooklyn 9-9, Family Guy, Mulaney

ABC: Dancing With The Stars, Castle
CBS: Big Bang Theory* (2 Broke Girls), Mom, Scorpion, NCIS:LA
NBC: The Voice, The Blacklist*/State Of Affairs
FOX: Gotham, Sleepy Hollow
CW: The Originals, Jane The Virgin

ABC: Selfie, Manhattan Love Story, S.H.I.E.L.D.* (Agent Carter), Forever
CBS: NCIS, NCIS: New Orleans, Person Of Interest
NBC: The Voice, Marry Me, About A Boy, Chicago Fire
FOX: Utopia, New Girl, The Mindy Project
CW: The Flash, Supernatural

ABC: The Middle, The Goldbergs, Modern Family, Black-Ish, Nashville
CBS: Survivor, Criminal Minds, Stalker
NBC: The Mysteries Of Laura, Law & Order: SVU, Chicago PD
FOX: Hell's Kitchen, Red Band Society
CW: Arrow, The 100

ABC: Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder* (Secrets & Lies)
CBS: (*After football) Big Bang Theory, The Millers, 2.5 Men, McCarthys, Elementary
NBC (2014): The Biggest Loser, Bad Judge, A To Z, Parenthood
NBC (2015): TBA, Blacklist, Allegiance
FOX: Bones, Gracepoint
CW: The Vampire Diaries, Reign

ABC: Last Man Standing, Cristela, Shark Tank, 20/20
CBS: The Amazing Race, Hawaii Five-0, Blue Bloods
NBC: Dateline NBC, Grimm, Constantine
FOX: Masterchef Junior, Utopia
CW: Whose Line Is It Anyway?, America's Next Top Model

Saturday: College Football on ABC and Fox, 48 Hours on CBS at 10/9c.

* (Changes after football, due to alternating split-seasons, etc.)

Some of the decisions are quite bold! Others are mostly WTF. CBS is adorable, NBC and The CW are sitting pretty with their established flagships, and Fox and ABC are both doing some pretty crazed stuff we've never seen before. Who made the right calls? What are you already programming into your Tivo? Check out the grid, and let's break it down in the comments below.

[Image via Shutterstock]

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