MTV’s crack at converting the Scream movie franchise into a weekly show premiered last night. It was so wrong, I can’t think of a thing it did right. Aside from the motormouth genius (the show’s de facto narrator) and the lesbian, the characters are indistinct, poorly acted, and their lines are mumbled at least half the time. The back story that emerges when the current rash of murders breaks out (a guy with Proteus syndrome went on a rampage 20 years ago in the town in which the show is set), is some straight-to-VHS Friday the 13th knock-off crap. The updated killer’s mask looks melted and his distorted phone voice is too high to be scary.