Kenya Vindicated, Apollo Admits to Lying on Real Housewives of Atlanta
With an eight-year prison sentence looming, Phaedra's husband, Apollo, must figure that things can't get much worse. And so he apologizes to Kenya for lying to everyone IN THE WORLD about her trying to get into his pants. In the words of Peter Thomas, "You know we have to apologize to this chick because we've been looking at her like she's a ho for the last two years."
Yes, all of Apollo's claims about Kenya—that he saw her in L.A., that she offered him fellatio, that he could have had sex with her anytime he wanted—were total fabrications. And why would he make all this up? I mean, the short answer is because he's an idiot. His rationale is that the whole situation with the butt-workout DVDs was making his life hell, and ALSO Kenya pointed out texts that he sent her at a reunion and intimated that he was trying to come on to her. Which he probably was!
This confession/apology takes place at the Bar One party celebrating Cynthia's spread in Ebony. Phaedra, who is busy taking care of her kids and sticking actual knives in her Apollo voodoo doll, is not in attendance, but the Baileys and Burruss-Tuckers are there, along with new Housewife Claudia Jordan. They all obviously think that Apollo is wack and his lies were inexcusable, and Kandi notes that Kenya and Phaedra had beef for three years all because Phaedra thought Kenya was trying to screw her husband.
Phaedra is going to be PISSED when she finds out about this, though whether Kenya will get the apology from her that she covets remains to be seen. At the very least, I think Phaedra should express remorse at continuously calling her "Kenya Moore-Whore." I for one am sorry that I cackled when Porsha called her a "slut from the 90s," even though when it comes down to it that was a very great multilevular burn. For his part, Apollo's apology involves him at one point calling Kenya a rude ass for insisting that he get specific about the nature of his apology. Apollo subsequently is compelled to offer an apology within an apology, as calling Kenya an ass was "not in the plan." Like, really, though, what is wrong with him? And could Phaedra not have found an attractive sperm donor who was neither a felon nor a complete fool?
In any case, Apollo has bid adieu to any sympathy that he was trying to generate for the fact that Phaedra is completely icing him out. Good for her for completely ignoring him at Ayden's very awkward dentist appointment, leaving poor little Ayden to cutely mutter, "Daddy? Oh boy. Oooooh boy." That kid can read a room! (Also, did you ever think the phrase "teamwork brushing" could be so sad?)
Phaedra must get some comfort from Ayden thinking that she's Supermommy, even without hearing her say, "I am not raising any Dustin Diamonds, any Macauley Culkins or Gary Colemans. I am raising some strong black men, and that's what they will be."
Other things happened too! We faced the return of Mama Joyce, complete with Jaws-like music of dread as she approached Kandi's door. And I really do subscribe strongly to the belief that it's terrible to speak ill of someone's elderly mother. But…oh man, does Mama Joyce make it difficult. She's just 100% miserable, except for when Kandi buys her things. Like a HOUSE. Yes, Mama Joyce is unhappy with both of the two houses that she currently has the option to live in, and so Kandi has found her a lovely place just down the street. As you may imagine, Todd is THRILLED about her impending proximity.
Todd will be even happier to note that Mama Joyce dreamed that he had a vasectomy. Is this a typical kind of thing to dream about your son-in-law? Is it finally the evidence that Kandi needs to put her mom on some damn meds? Mama Joyce is also resolute in her belief that she does not owe an apology to Todd's mother, Sharon, for saying that Todd was the son of a pimp and a prostitute. After all, she says, Sharon called her the b-word, which is apparently MORE the height of rudeness than saying someone was an actual prostitute, even when it's in response to someone saying that you were an actual prostitute. Admittedly, Mama Joyce's Guide to Etiquette WOULD be a compelling read.
This episode also saw Nene in the premiere of Zumanity, playing some sort of orgy ringmaster even though, "In the beginning, I was having a hard time with the whole orgy. Because I didn't know what you do. You know, I don't know if you hug each other, kiss each other, teabag." (!!!!!!!!!!!) Nene is apparently having a hard time memorizing all of her lines, and prays to the Lord Jesus to help her. And if the Lord Jesus is spending precious minutes on freaking Zumanity, it's no wonder about this whole Ebola situation. None of the other Housewives show up for the premiere, which I am sad about because no doubt they would have said the MEANEST things. Also, did anyone else notice that although Nene said the show was sold out, there looked to be a ton of empty seats in the audience?
It's too early to get a good read on new Housewife Claudia Jordan, who is allegedly a friend of Kenya's and has moved to Atlanta for a co-hosting gig on the Rickey Smiley Morning Show. She DOES get a good burn in by saying that she moved her purse when Apollo sat down so he wouldn't get her social security card, and allegedly has some Kordell-related beef with Porsha coming up, which is great in that it means we'll see more of Porsha.
And finally, Kenya is still smarting from her physical altercation with Porsha at last season's reunion. She's trying to get over it, which is not helped when Kandi drops the opinion that Kenya had it coming and that the incident didn't warrant a call to the police. Still, Kenya perseveres, pouring her pain into music with her friend Brandon in a number that will likely be a centerpiece of the eventual Real Housewives of Atlanta: The Musical. So now, jump-start your week with a spirited rendition of, "Really, Bitch?"
[There was a video here]
Next week: Phaedra hears about Apollo's lies, Apollo sees a divorce lawyer, and the Porsha/Cynthia beef commences.
Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. Follow @GawkerMA and read more about it here.