For the latest Last Week Tonight, John Oliver tried to find out what American kids are learning in sex ed, and discovered that the answer is that no one really knows, because many states have no official standards—in some cases, the information kids get isn’t even required to be medically accurate. Many other states have just one standard: abstinence only. Basically, whether you learned what consent is or how to use a condom depends on which high school you happened to go to.

Example: In Mississippi—second in teen pregnancy!—teachers can talk about contraception, but they can’t demonstrate how to use it in class. If you were lucky enough to get the cool teacher who invented a PG-rated “putting on a sock” metaphor, then you’re all set. Otherwise, good luck, and remember to squeeze the air out of the tip.

To help remedy the depressing lack of sex-ed standards in America, John Oliver has produced his own video that covers everything teens need to know about fucking in like three minutes, which is only slightly longer than their first times will last. It stars celebrity sex-havers Laverne Cox, Jack McBrayer, Kumail Nanjiani, Kristen Schaal, power couple Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, and Mike from Breaking Bad. In an ideal world, teachers would already be showing it in class this morning.

[Last Week Tonight]