Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

There are plenty of respectable reasons to watch NBC's American Ninja Warrior. It's a fleet, simple, and inspiring competition series that celebrates athleticism as a unifier among a diverse array of people. Now in its sixth season, the Japanese import continues to boast the broadest spectrum of athletes in age, build, intelligence, background, and skill set of any sport on TV. We're talking engineers, teachers, realtors, grandfathers, cheerleaders, stuntmen, rock climbers, doctors, parkour champions, diabetics, Olympians, cartoonists, and more ,all spidering around on impossible-seeming obstacle courses for the chance to win a game show that has never been won. That's right, the five previous seasons of this thing have yielded zero winners (the long-running Japanese version has had only three winners to date). This is the rare competition series that really is about the journey.

It's just that, well, much of the time this journey is filthy with beefcake. For some reason the athleticism required by American Ninja Warrior in particular yields athletes who are, uh, attractive. SORRY. Television is a visual medium and American Ninja Warrior happens to have some very good visuals.

You know the weirdest part of last night's Season 6 premiere, in which we met the west coast qualifiers in Venice Beach? That you will be dating so many of them in the future. I frankly don't know where you'll find the time, to be honest:

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

Your Future Boyfriend Was on American Ninja Warrior Last Night

(Yes, women competed also but I decided to give them a day off from being objectified IS THAT OK?)

Welcome back, American Ninja Warrior. Please pick us up for our date at Olive Garden at 7 p.m. sharp.

[Images via NBC]

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