Lena Dunham, it is time to take a break.
Perhaps you are already aware, and that is in fact the message you were sending us with your performance this week on Seth Meyers, but either way it's time to have a frank discussion.
Lena Dunham, did you ever see the arc on 30 Rock where Liz Lemon dates Jon Hamm, who is too attractive to fail? So nobody tells him when he should rethink his shit? Sometimes people can love us so much that it makes them unsure when to step in, Lena Dunham.
This is not a situation like Michael Jackson, where people were being selfish and greedy so they never said no, and it caused an untimely death. Lena Dunham, this is more like a Montessori situation, where everybody gets a prize at the end of the day. Even if they half-ass it, hardcore. That does not cause death, usually, but it does cause some of us to radically reassess where we stand, backlash-wise.
Now, perhaps you are responding to your critics, and to your haters. Perhaps, Lena Dunham, part of you desires them. You may have a Twitter death wish. You may even be experiencing Eminem feelings. Do not listen to them, Lena Dunham. They are oppositional; they are lies.
There are those of us out here who are still rooting for you, Lena Dunham. There are those of us who, like Patrick Wilson in that one episode of your show, love you for who you are. But do you remember what happened on that episode of that show? Eventually Hannah Horvath trusted him too much. Showed a little too much of what she was working with.
Your notoriety comes from the fact that you are an unabashed striver! You cannot be half-assing at this point in the game! Your hustle is to be admired!
It's clear that this is all in fun. Taking part in the Sia Moment is another way of writing an Archie comic book, or other fun things you have been doing lately. Dressing up like Sia and dancing around on her behalf is the new Being James Franco, and we get that. Nobody begrudges you your fun! And it's true too that in the discipline of modern dance, few things are sacred. But right across the board, one rule remains thumbworthy: Do not make promises you can't keep. Do not write checks that you cannot cash.
Believe me, Lena Dunham, when I say sincerely that some of us out here in the world believe there's a lot to love about you, even when you fuck up.
But love is never a 100 percent proposition. Sometimes when we think we can do something, and then we find—hopefully not on live television—that we cannot do that thing, we downgrade our goal: "I just wanted to have fun," we say, or, "The joke is that I was doing it." But what most of us learned in seventh grade is that nobody besides the person pulling that crap—either by design or retroactive decree—really enjoys it when that happens. To everyone else, you are only embarrassing yourself.
(To Sia, you are sitting on Sia.)
In summation, Lena Dunham: Put it away. Work on your wonderful television show. By all means continue to think about black people. Do what Dunhams do, when Dunhams are just doin' Dunhams. Interrogate fame, talk about art, see the world. Take a pet care class. Take a nap.
Have your dancing fun in private, or on your show, where this bleeding-edge awkwardness would make more sense. But make no mistake, Lena Dunham: This was not a Hannah Move. This was some Marnie Michaels bullshit right here.
[Images via NBC]