One of yesterday’s episodes of Judge Judy (a rerun, it turns out) included a case titled, per Time Warner Cable’s description, “High on Drugs or Espresso Shots?!” Though plaintiff Shannon Jones ended up passing a drug test that Judge Judy ordered, I still believe the answer to the titular question is: a little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.

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Jones provided nothing less than a tour de force performance for Judge Judy’s audience.

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Jones’ case, much like her self-presentation, was an erratic mess—she was suing a former friend who’d co-signed on her car. She had let the insurance lapse and incurred about a thousand dollars in parking tickets for a car that was in the defendant’s name. She wanted the car back.

At one point, Jones launched into a monologue that included the sentence, “I’m sorry that I have cystic fibrosis.”

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The words “Passed drug test” running under Jones’s ranting and raving comprise the shadiest chyron I’ve ever seen on this show.

She also asked Judge Judy for advice, and then her autograph.

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Jones did not like Judy’s ruling and to her former friend she said, “You’re fuckin’ dead,” and then, “Brandon, I’m fucking...not going...to be your friend.”

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Bailiff Byrd, as usual, said it all with no words: