We've reached the Live Rounds of The Voice, and if this show is a) as committed to democracy as it claims to be; b) going to start off the episode with a performance of Maroon 5's new single, then it is our constitutional right to be afforded a mechanism by which to eliminate Adam Levine. Maybe that's what the app is for?
Most of you likely need no convincing as to why Adam should be voted off, but for those who do I'd posit:
2. Also everything else
To his credit, Adam does occasionally give the members of his team some legit advice. And he did bring us Stevie Nicks. But, especially in comparison to his absolutely delightful colleagues Gwen and Pharrell (and even Blake, who we'll get to in a minute), he's just…so….Adam Levine.
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That Maroon 5 performance really set the tone for this episode, in which all the members of Team Blake and Team Adam performed. The voting public will move their top two forward, and each judge will get to choose one additional contestant to move on. While the lighting designers, house band, backup singers, and even the questionable Kohl's stylists did their best to make this a thrilling experience, the performances were by and large competent but unexciting. Or perhaps three to four hours of this show a week for two months has just worn me down? Or MAYBE watching people sing cover songs in front of celebrities in big chairs is secretly just kind of dull? In any case, you know that when I write, "Carson looks kind of attractive for the first time" in my notes that things are getting dire.
For me, the best performance of the night by far was Damien, who sang Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One" with legit feeling.
That last note! If Damien doesn't move forward, that's just actual bullshit. As for the rest of Team Adam, Taylor Phelan was fine enough singing "Cool Kids"; Mia Pfirrman was fine enough singing Lana de Rey; Chris Jamison was fine enough singing Ed Sheeran; and Matt McAndrew was fine enough singing The Beach Boys. The song choices didn't really do them any favors, which is yet ANOTHER thing we can blame on Adam.
The songs for Blake's team were a little more interesting, but also kinda snoozy. Jessie Pitts is lovely, but did the world really need a soft, contemplative version of Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero?" Taylor Brashears' sluggish version of "Long Time Gone" showcased why the Dixie Chicks worked so well as a trio. Reagan James is very good and played guitar, but did anyone else find it ironic that while singing a Colbie Caillat song about being yourself she looked like a completely different person? Craig Wayne Boyd was probably the team's standout, and sounded excellent, but there's something about singing "Some Kind of Wonderful" in 2014 that makes it impossible for you not to come off as the lead singer of a cover band playing at a 50th high school reunion in the suburbs. Also, I really miss his fringe jackets.
[There was a video here]
Maybe we actually should vote him off too? In the second round of Coach Knockouts, though.
Tonight Teams Gwen and Pharrell perform and hopefully are way more interesting, and on Wednesday we get the results show. And yes, math wizards, that equals FIVE HOURS of The Voice this week.