It doesn't even matter what Ramona is blathering on about in the clip above—just watch Andy's face and die a thousand wonderful deaths.
The final installment of The Real Housewives of New York reunion was so thoroughly glorious that to choose one exemplary moment is impossible.But we can start with Sonja saying, "I am able to forgive [Aviva] because I'm a Christian, and I know what it means to forgive people," followed by peals of laughter from the rest of the women. "Now I've heard everything!" cackles LuAnn. Quoth Sonja, ""Very nice. Laugh at being a Christian! Oh, the Bible Belt's gonna love that."
Thank you, Real Housewives of New York, for all the joy you have brought into our lives during this season of utter perfection. Why your viewership is down is a mystery for the ages, and a grievous cosmic mistake. Your glory shall live in infamy! Forty years from now we will all be regaling our grandchildren with tales of the moment when Walter Cronkite of his generation Andy Cohen asked Vassar graduate Aviva Drescher, "What made you take your leg off and throw it, Aviva?"
There were at least a million other highlights, some of which are noted below.
Aviva's Bullshit, Part I: Remember that one time when Aviva said to Carole, "At least I'm not 50 years old…" then cut herself off before adding something even more grievously offensive? Well, it turned out she meant that as a compliment, since she thought Carole was older. (!!!!!!!!!!!) "Oh my God," says Carole, "even your compliments sound like insults." And when even Ramona Singer says, "Oh my Lord, even IIIIIII know that's not a good thing!" you know that you have officially hurtled yourself across the line of almost inhuman rudeness.
Aviva's Bullshit, Part II: Remember that one time when Heather and Aviva fought in the Hamptons and Heather busted out with, "Don't tell me nothing, motherfucker," and it was the best? Aviva has some thoughts about that. They go like this. 1) "This isn't the hood, this is the Hamptons." 2) "You were in my face, acting all ghetto…" 3) "Heather, I'm gonna out you here, ok? [Waving fingers insanely] You were not brought up in the ghetto girl. Okay? HOLLA!" 4) "I'm not saying any color any race."
It's clear that Aviva's entire knowledge of the ghetto stems from the songs "In the Ghetto" and "Love Child," with maybe a pinch of Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car." Quoth Heather, ""Why can you say motherfucker and you're Miss Vassar, but I say motherfucker and you're calling me ghetto and hood?" Also, for good measure: "You don't have a storyline, all we ever talk about is your fucking leg." Quoth Aviva, "There are people in GANGS who act very rough and tough." Quoth Ramona, "I get what she's saying." It must be noted that Andy Cohen is motherfucking DELIGHTED by this entire line of conversation.
Kids and Stuff: We get updates on some kid struggles from throughout the season. Kristen's daughter, Kingsley, is now walking and doing great. She still gets therapy three times a week and Josh has "made more of an effort" to be there. Though Avery was pretty mean to Ramona during the show, it was really just because she was enforcing some separation so they could both survive her transition to college. Now they're as close as ever.
And Heather's son Jax is doing great, though as a transplant recipient Heather says "his future is always in question." He had non-invasive surgery for his hearing recently, and they should soon know if it helped. When asked how she stays so strong and upbeat when her child is going through such serious stuff, Heather quite movingly says, "The answer's easy, I have my kid." And then, because she has to ruin literally everything, Ramona busts out with, "I believe positive energy creates positive results. And because you're so positive about your son, he doesn't even realize he's handicapped." Like a Hallmark card come to life, that one.
Millou, The Epilogue: "He even ended up in the camera man's mouth!"—Sonja Morgan
Aviva Gets a Compliment: Over the course of the episode, people actually say a few nice things about Aviva, or at least the Aviva who first turned up on the show last season. And then Ramona pays a compliment, Aviva-style: "There is a side of you that is so nice. And let's face it. There's a side of you that's pretty vile…And I don't mean this in a negative way." When Aviva says she doesn't understand, Andy helpfully clarifies: "I think she's saying how can you be so vulnerable and so 'vile' at the same time?" When Aviva says she can't carry on a conversation with someone who just called her vile, Ramona says, "I didn't say she was vile." This cracks Andy Cohen up so hard that I think he secretly (and correctly) vows to keep her on the show forever.
Concernings: You guys, Sonja really does think "concernings" is a word. She says it soon after Heather talks about Ramona being "fustrated" with Sonja, just to blow minds everywhere, as is her custom as the straw that stirs the drink.
Ramonja: There is a clip package of Ramona and Sonja's friendship difficulties, which Ramona and Sonja enjoy, because there's nothing they love more than watching themselves be horrible on TV. Perhaps this is why they're going to be friends forever. And now that Ramona is single again, we can only hope that in 15 years these two, LuAnn and Carole move to Miami for Bravo's new series, The Real Golden Girls of the Floridian Lanai. Can't you just hear LuAnn yelling, "Sonja, get the cheesecake!"
Leg, Revisited: Quoth Andy Cohen, "Well even though it's forever burned in our collective consciousness, let's take another look at how a party designed to celebrate Team Sonja was hijacked by a woman armed only with a leg." The clip package, which is viewed with cackles by everyone, is followed up by this amazing rapid-fire exchange:
Sonja: "I've heard of throwing the towel in, but… [mocks throwing the leg].
Heather: "I know, no elbows on the table."
Lu: "I mean you really put your foot in your mouth this time."
Kristen: "She tried to put it in my mouth! Her foot in my mouth!"
Sonja [with greater emphasis]: "Usually you throw the TOWEL in, not your LEG."
With all my heart, I never want this season to end. Aviva gives Kristen shit for being grossed out by a prosthetic leg, and Kristen says she forgot the leg was fake given that, "You barely talked about it all this season." Quoth Heather, "Well, I don't know about THAT."
Aviva claims that she didn't premeditate the leg toss, and basically everyone calls bullshit. Building the case for spontaneity, Aviva insists that it takes only five seconds to get the leg off, and while Ramona wants to test out that theory right then, Sonja—who is ON FIRE, ALWAYS—goes, "It's the fastest leg in the west!" Who was it that said she didn't have a career in comedy?
MVP Status Is Earned, My Friend: So, it's pretty much universally agreed that Countess LuAnn is this season's MVP. She was amazing, and hilarious, and actually likeable! Carole likes her and feels bad about how she treated the Countess last season, Sonja has learned that she's sensitive underneath that tough exterior and doesn't care to be called "Pumpkinhead" or "LuMann," and Ramona has to admit, "You know what, I'm even starting to like LuAnn now."
The Countess herself gives at least some of the credit to her weird, confusing "Friend of the Housewives" status: "I also had a different position this season, and you know it's been very relaxing for me." Let's hope that no backsliding occurs when she's inevitably bumped back up to full-time cast member next season. After all, it's not about where you're from, it's about what you've learned.
And Finally, an Inspirational Word from Sonja: You know, to get you through whatever crap (or leg) is flung at you.
[ Images and videos via Bravo.]
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