Warehouse 13's Predictable Final Season Goes Out With A Whimper

With the conflicts of the season resolved in the penultimate episode, "Cangku Shisi," Warehouse 13 really had nothing to do for a series finale other than reflect. And reflect it does, in "Endless." It's essentially a clip show, although the clips are new just for this episode. Wouldn't want the Warehouse to go out with a whimper, would you?

And yet, the series finale of Warehouse 13 kind of does just that. In fact, the entire final season fell into that trap.

So with Warehouse 13 closing (oh yeah, it's closing), moving on to the next location, Mrs. Frederic gathers the agents together at King Arthur's Roundtable. The roundtable functions as the Warehouse's time capsule, to show each of them their defining moment in all these years.

The episode actually opens with Helena's defining moment back in her first month as a Warehouse agent, and boy have I missed her. I'm from the school of thought where more H.G. Wells is most certainly always a good thing, so this episode definitely starts off on the right foot for me. It just proceeds to switch to the wrong foot on a couple of occasions. Feet!

The agents are shocked to hear that time is running out, but poor, sweet Jinksy tries to cheer them up by saying any place has to be better than South Dakota. Even North Dakota? Myka fills him in on the fact that the host country of the Warehouse provides the new agents, a fact he would have known if he'd just read the manual. Okay, she doesn't give him flack for not reading the manual. That's all me.

Mrs. Frederic tries to soothe them by explaining that it's the natural order of things, but Pete and his hair go full temper tantrum, so Claudia volunteers to be the first one to get their time capsule on to diffuse the situation.

Claudia's defining moment features killer tap dancing (because, much like Xander Harris, Pete can't keep his hands to himself) and the revelation that Jinks hates musicals. Of course Jinks hates musicals. Of course. Sidenote: I wonder how he felt about the Revenge season finale.

Claudia has to save the day with a show-stopping number, and boy does she ever. "BEST JOB EEEEVEERR!" everyone exclaims, but Claudia ends up looking like someone just ran over her puppy. Essentially, this was the moment Claudia realized she didn't want to be the caretaker of the Warehouse anymore. It's a whole thing, because everyone wants to know why Claudia hid that. They all point out that one's even forcing her to be the caretaker, not even Mrs. Frederic.

While Pete storms off to figure out a way to save the Warehouse (but surprisingly, not his hair), Artie volunteers to show his defining moment—a mission with his son, TV's Samm Levine. Yeah, Artie has a son. Back in the day, Artie knocked a girl up and didn't find out about the baby until after his whole treason thing blew over.

Warehouse 13 season five. Codename: Secret Relatives.

Samm Levine is the reason why every Warehouse agent is allowed to have their "one," since Artie huffed and puffed and Artie'd it into existence. Claudia is obviously a little miffed about not being Artie's only "child" (I mean, he treated her like it, so I'd be miffed too), but she accepts his explanation about the "one" being separate from the Warehouse and being a doubly proud papa. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if Claudia showed up at Comic-Con this year (Artie and Samm Levine go every year) just to finally meet her new "brother."

Artie also makes amends with the Warehouse, after calling it a "whore." Honestly, it speaks to Saul Rubinek's talents that he is able to pull off a rant directed at a warehouse without looking like an absolute idiot, and he really knocks it out of the park. Then the Warehouse rolls him an apple, and my allergies start to act up or whatever.

In the manual room, Pete snaps at Myka about not caring about the Warehouse going away, and at this point, I already want someone to tell him that he can still visit when it moves away or something. Also, of course he takes Myka's acceptance of this whole thing super personal, because blah blah in love with her blah. Do you think that maybe Pete stopped using hair gel because it all seeped into his brain and made him turn into... this?

Jinks—who actually spends most of the episode BFF-ing it up with Mrs. Frederic, because he's the smartest one of all of them—is hesitant to see his defining moment, because he's afraid he doesn't even have one. Aw, Jinksy. I mean, they still never CGI'd him into the show's open credits, so you can't really blame the guy.

His flashback is kind of ridiculous, since it features him and Claudia having been shrunk to explore Artie's body, BUT Helena is there, and I've already made my stance clear on that one. Remember when Syfy didn't give us the H.G. Wells spin-off? Remember how I'm stalling so I don't have to talk about the Myka/Pete stuff?

So Jinks ends up in Artie's heart, and that was his defining moment. The moment he finally felt like he had a purpose, that he had peace. And it was all because of the Warehouse. Aw, Jinksy (again).

Myk's defining moment is pretty great if for nothing else than the Mortal Kombat-esque music that plays over the ninja fight scene. "PETE. PETE LATTIMER. PETE. PETE LATTIMER. MYKA. MYKA BERING. MYKA. MYKA BERING." I mean, it makes no sense if you just read that and didn't hear it, but trust me, it was great. This is the type of stuff I'll be missing with the show gone. The flashback even begins with Myka getting her Remington Steele on, and why wasn't this flashback actually an episode?

Of course, it all goes to hell in a handbasket (what?) when the important part of the flashback becomes the lovey dovey face Myka directs Pete's way. So after that, Myka and Pete finally (?) confess their love for each other, and I'd like to say the defining moment of the entire scene is Pete's "So when do we get naked?"

Compared to the series finale of another Syfy program, Warehouse 13's end looks highly inferior to Being Human's. The two shows were of course drastically different in tone, but I loved both of them dearly, each for their own reasons. But while Being Human did also end with a somewhat blue skies (for it, at least) conclusion, Warehouse 13's end—and entire final season—came across as fan service, through and through. The question is, however, what fans was it servicing?

The most natural moment of the episode's fan service, to me at least, is Pete's denial of the Warehouse closure and his defining moment being every moment spent with this new family. Which is why his romance with Myka feels so unnatural.

The Pete and Myka will-they-won't-they of the series would come up every so often, but ultimately, it was refreshing that the show wanted to keep them platonic step-brother and step-sister (the "step" part make the brief moments of attraction only a little less creepy, right?). Having them be in love—and basically using other relationships to hide that—is just too easy. They basically say "We are a couple now," and that's that. Much like Ted/Robin in How I Met Your Mother, Warehouse 13 outgrew a Pete/Myka romance ages ago but apparently felt content to go back to the drawing board despite that.

Also: Who asked for Claudia's secret coma sister, huh? What fans asked for that?

The episode (and series) ends with a flash-forward to the future, where Pete, Myka, and Artie stand-ins all do their Pete, Myka, and Artie stand-in thing. The Artie stand-in is actually showrunner Jack Kenny, so maybe the fan the show was servicing was him. Do you think he entered a competition to win a walk-on role on the show and then remembered he was the showrunner?

Anyway, Claudia—now Ms. Donovan—pops in, and it's officially the funniest thing in the world. It's not so much that it's Serious Claudia (because Allison Scagliotti can knock that out of the park, for sure) as it is Mrs. Frederic Impression Claudia that makes it so damn funny. Also, it's South Dakota (the Warehouse apparently took a liking to the spot) in the future, and what's funnier than that?

It's so hard to say goodbye to Warehouse 13 and all of the "endless wonder" it created, but with a final season like this, it makes it slightly easier. The second and third seasons of the show are the pinnacles as far as I'm concerned, but the show remained a charming touch of camp throughout. There may never be another thing like Warehouse 13, especially not on Syfy, but I'm forever grateful that we got it.

[Image via Syfy]

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