As any dedicated viewer of the American Horror Story anthology series knows, the credits each season provide innumerable clues to the entirety of the season. Thanks to the dedication to plot, consistency, and overall story arc that are the show's storytelling hallmarks, a viewer with a quick eye for detail can usually nail down what will happen in the show's final episodes.

For example, the finale of Season Three, Coven, finally explained why there was so much Stevie Nicks in the opening credits, while as everyone knows Season One, Murder House, was mostly about jars.

In that spirit, we here at Morning After have applied rigorous techniques and high technology to the credits sequence of tonight's 90-minute premiere, in the hopes of figuring out where the heck all of this is going! Here are all the elements sure to make Freak Show your fave show, listed in order of appearance:

  • A Sneaky Little Clown
  • Balloon Animals
  • Centaur Skeleton—Free Rides!
  • A Head That Turns All the Way Around
  • Giant Feet on a Just Regular Guy
  • Knives Going Every Which Way
  • Elvis, But Buddha
  • A Mean Monkey That Can Play Music
  • Nails in a Face
  • Freaks Boogying After Hours
  • A Clown in a Vest, Like Some Kinda Soc
  • Sword-Swallowing, in a Real Sense
  • Lady Who Has a Big Penis with a Boot on the End of It
  • Ventriloquism

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