Tonight on television there are first ladies, families both little and big, dictatorial secrets, and anecdotal evidence of alien activity. If the shadowy secret societies were really in charge of Hollywood like they're supposed to be, there would be ten thousand things about naked chicks and Katniss, but not even e! works that fast.

I have often thought that Kirsten Dunst's particularly strange prose style was actually just encoded messages for those of us with ears to hear, but this tweet is proof:

Here Dunst is saying that to the faceless arbitrary exploitable cloud, we are all simply pizza at the beginning of a relatively short, commonplace but ultimately transformative journey. It's a lot to think about. She do the Police in different emoji.

At 8/7c., if you did not get the memo that 1) popular things are not cool and 2) things that girls like have cooties and are dumb, there's a behind the scenes special on Frozen on ABC, your new network destination for things that have to do with Frozen from now on. If you'd like to see the end result of that kind of thinking there's the second hour of the Bad Girls Club reunion on Oxygen, or if you just want to see home chefs challenge professional chefs there's a lady named Melissa Clinton doing just that on NBC's Food Fighters.

You can't spell Food Fighters without Foo Fighters, and that's a fact.

At 9/8c. the Duggars are back in a real actual season of 19 Kids & Counting on TLC, as opposed to the random episodes of just special Duggar family togetherness, apropos of nothing, that we've been getting heretofore. The America's Got Talent Semifinals continue, while on Bravo there's another episode of TV's #1 show about stowaways, Below Deck. It seems the suspicious XO Smee is close indeed to discovering the sexy singles hidden away in nooks and crannies on the boat, and as we know there is always the constant threat of being forced to walk the plank if they're found. There's an episode of Dance Moms called "No More Crybabies!," a sentiment with which we can all agree, a PBS Special relating to Fidel Castro in some way, and the finales of Rizzoli & Isles and Royal Pains, if you're familiar.

Otherwise there's the next Married At First Sight, the summer's hottest show about not taking things seriously even as you are pretending to take them seriously, and of course the second part of the History Channel's Houdini miniseries starring Adrien Brody, which who knows if it's good, I just know he eventually dies from somebody punching him, meaning that clearly they cast the film with an eye toward the ending.

"We want it to be sad, but not super sad. Like somewhere between Howard Hughes sad and Amelia Earhart sad. When I say 'punchable' who do you think of?" Adrien Brody, immediately. "People won't be sad to see him punched so hard that he dies from it?" Uli they'll be lined up around the block. Would the guy who wrote Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home steer you wrong?

At 10/9c. we're getting close to the end of the season on MTV's Finding Carter, there's a new Singles Project on Bravo, and the 11th season premiere of Little People, Big Catapults on TLC. However, over on Comedy Central it's a mixed bag, since after tosh.0 I'm sorry to say it's the second season finale of Drunk History, with a special all-First Ladies edition starring Courteney Cox, Alia Shawkat and Casey "I Will Always Love You" Wilson.

What's your favorite First Lady story? Mine is the one from The Way We Were when Katie yells at those girls for being bitches about Eleanor Roosevelt and quotes her saying, "I am my husband's legs." I think about that a lot. Because the Roosevelts had a fascinating and unique marriage, of course, but also because it introduces the question, what Presidential body part would you want to replace, if you absolutely had to? Teddy Roosevelt's mustache, obviously. William Henry Harrison's immune system not so much.

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching tonight? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.