Good evening and welcome to Tuesday TV. Tonight we've got liars, bad girls, mean old bitches, Heidi Montag Pratt, and John Oliver in a place that may surprise you.
At 8/7c. NBC has more America's Got Talent auditions, and the girls of Bad Girls Club star in an especially raucous episode entitled "A Diamond Is Not Forever." Meanwhile, you've got continuing trainwreck/TMZ experiment in torture Famous In 12 on the CW, and of course the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars. (Check back here tomorrow and we'll see what we can do, on that last one.)
At 9/8c. Abby's Studio Rescue premieres on Lifetime, promising to combine the best things about Dance Moms and Hell's Kitchen in one hopeful, inspiring, family-centered opportunity to heal by watching a horrible woman shout obscenities at adults rather than children. There's a new Degrassi on Teen Nick and of course the Real Housewives of New York, but you probably already knew that. But did you know that the third episode of ABC Family's Chasing Life is entitled "Blood Cancer Sex Carrots"? I didn't think so. I feel it's very relevant!
At 10/9c. it's kind of a mixed bag of awesome. There's the Tyrant pilot on FX, which I've been curious about since the spring; and the fifth season premiere of Covert Affairs, titled "Shady Lane" but probably not directed by Spike Jonze. The Celebrity Wife Swap I promised you last week, featuring Heidi and Spencer Pratt, I am once again promising you, but I swear this is the last time I'll mention it. (Burn me once, ABC promo department, shame on you. Burn me twice, I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.) Over on Bravo, it's two more hours of what they are best at: First The People's Couch, which is really making people happy these days, and then Andy's joined on Watch What Happens Live by heroes of the people John Oliver and Sonja Morgan.
How does that sound? I wonder if I will stay awake to watch Tyrant, or enjoy it over breakfast. There's really no way to know at this point in the day. Do you think it will be good? Do you think it will cause international problems? What about Famous In 12, is that a situation where we are asking for global retribution? Are you excited about Pretty Little Liars? I am. It's a lot more sophisticated this year, I feel like.