Tonight we've got a heck of a lot of shows about food, the foretold hurling of a leg, people swapping wives and claiming to be celebrities, and you can bet your ass absolutely there is the show Tyrant.

At 8/7c., only two hours before the debut of an all-new episode of Tyrant, there's a Bad Girls Club and a Pretty Little Liars, which you might think are similar concepts but really have nothing in common. (Before tonight, the best use of a prosthetic leg in a drama was the time CeCe Drake murdered an entire boutique fitting room full of snakes with a mannequin leg on PLL.) If that's not enough to take your mind off the nail-biting wait for Tyrant to begin, you can also opt for Extreme Weight Loss—a show with bad decisions baked right into the title!—and a new NBC show called Food Fighters, which I was hoping would be about people beating the shit out of some food but is in fact a cool idea of having amateur chefs versus famous chefs.

At 9/8c., with just an hour to go until Tyrant finally returns to us after a full week's wait, America's Got Talent heads to Boot Camp, Chasing Life has another shitty pun for a title ("Unplanned Parenthood"), Degrassi finishes up the "Believe" two-parter, and Face Off begins on Syfy. That's the one where they do crazy makeup on the face. Really though it is all about fucking Real Housewives Of New York, which is so freaking good this season I feel like it's impossible to oversell.

In this very special season finale, Aviva will throw her leg.

If that sentence were food it would be a gold-foiled profiterole and I would wreck shop on it. If that sentence were a woman it would be Blake Lively and I would march to war in its name. If that sentence were a man it would be Adam Devine and I would carry it around on my shoulders all day long and only put it down to have sex with it. If that sentence were a TV show episode, it would be the season finale of Real Housewives of New York and I would watch the shit out of it tonight at 9/8c.

At 10/9c. Tyler Christopher and Ronn Moss, who are either not celebrities and this is a lie or they are sports players and thus irrelevant to my paradigm, will Celebrity Wife Swap with each other. (This is Jacob from the future! I have googled it and you are wrong. Tyler Christopher is the guy from The Lying Game that also played Nikolas Cassidine, and Ronn Moss is a musician from the '80s who has had his face surgically removed.) Chopped's Teen Tournament continues, Little Women: LA celebrates its finale, and there's a new Finding Carter on MTV. That show is good. Also good are Drunk History and Nathan For You, which are about Baltimore and a liquor store, exterminator and carwash respectively. I wonder if Nathan will use the carwash to launder money from a meth operation, and somehow become the most hated woman of our society? That's what I would do.

No other television shows are airing tonight at 10/9c. Not a single one.

[Image via Bravo]

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