Up tonight we've got classic Frank Herbert standup routines, we've got Sisters With and Without Voices, there's true confessions, mysterious teleporting children, and the solar plexus.

At 8/7c., after a new Adventure Time and the Regular Show finale, you should probably watch Defiance because it's fantastic. Just unbelievable this season. I don't know if I've mentioned that ever before. There's also The Quest, which I thought I would watch or at least think about from time to time, but instead I just forget it exists until the time it takes to write this thing up every Thursday.

At 9/8c. there's the fourth season premiere of Braxton Family Values, new Dating Naked and Project Runway, the Gang Related finale, the two-hour Last Comic Standing finale (where title becomes reality!), Rectify, another Extreme Guide To Parenting on Bravo, and of course Big Brother.

While both players on the Block this week—after Zach fucking ruled it on POV last night because he is a champion among men and the greatest person ever to be filmed by a camera—are fan favorites, it's not really that stressful, because guess what: Whoever leaves is immediately coming back. So frankly, you should be rooting against Donnie (even more than rooting for Nicole) at this point: He's way more likely to win whatever ginned-up way they have to get him back in the House, due to being a goddamn angel from Heaven right here on Earth, and plus it would break the gross streak of women getting evicted, each and almost every week, for no real reason.

At 10/9c. there's Sharkageddon obviously, because Discovery Channel is a sucker of balls and blower of sharks, the next Honorable Woman on Sundance and Garfunkel & Oates on IFC, the finale of a show that has apparently existed for at least two months called NY Med, another dose of Married/You're The Worst on FX, and a double premiere of ID's new show Worst Thing I Ever Did.

What's the worst thing you ever did? Just kidding we don't know each other like that.

There's also the season two premiere of SWV Reunited, which interests me more than it might because of the small teleporting blonde child in this video, in addition to everything else going on in the video, who has been a huge part of my life this week in various coincidental ways that Jung would call a synchronicity that I need to pay attention to. That, and the movie The Battle Of Algiers, are the main ones that I can't seem to escape right now. Perhaps it is merely the bitch Supermoon at work, at her skyward loom, and next week I'll just go back to constantly running into random Dune references like back in July. "Tell me of your homeworld, Usul" is not something you want to see coming out of a fortune cookie.

Tell me of your homeworld, mysterious Blonde Child (With Voices).

Then at 11/10c. it's the second Black Jesus, stupid-ass Discovery's still on their Shark After Dark kick, and but on Showtime it's the second 7 Deadly Sins. And don't you know it's gonna be about LUST. That certain feeling, we all know it. Morgan Spurlock knows all about it. I hope it's just various angles on his beautiful candle-lit face, just breathing softly and talking in a low voice about Lust. But not his actual personal thoughts, because he's kind of a monster inside of himself like any messiah; more like, telling us sexy things from the works of Anaïs Nin and... whoever. Jean M. Auel? I don't know.

I don't know any porns, I don't read books like that. Heck on that. I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine, but below the neckline, Dollar Sign. Right around the solar plexus (LexisNexis), my Tropic of Cancer (Tiny Dancer), is apparently where I get my kicks. Essessdoubledoubleyouyouvee.

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