Aliens fucking each other while dressed like other kinds of aliens, a sexy LARPing reality show, the season finale of Maron and the series finale of Lisa Ling's latest triumph: Tonight it is Thursday night, tonight.

At 8/7c. you've got Defiance, which is so so good this season I can't even handle it, The Quest begins on ABC, the DA network is Unseal-ing their Conspiracy Files on "Nazis Today" (yep) and "Alien Attacks" (nope). I don't think those files are very reliable! But what I can tell you is that on Defiance right now there is a sex club where people dress up like different kinds of aliens and fuck each other, but it's not gross or dumb or funny or anything. It's just kind of sad, and lonely, and exactly the kind of kinky bullshit post-apocalypse people would totally get up to. Just ask those nasty choking-masturbator teens on The Leftovers.

At 9/8c. it's a very important Big Brother, the generally important Dating Naked, and an episode of Dominion entitled "Ouroboros" that will probably be bonkers because that show is bonkers. In the realm of southern gentility you have two basic options: An hour of Don't Be Tardy you will never get back, or two episodes of the delightful Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The call seems obvious to me but obviously somebody enjoys Kim Zolciak's racist shtick, so I'm willing to let that remain a mystery. You've also got Project Runway, Rectify, and Welcome To Sweden / Working The Engels. Cool fact about Welcome To Sweden that you might not know: It is not very good!

At 10/9c. we bid farewell to Lisa Ling for the last time. She's on to something better, I'm sure of it. God I love that lady. Uh, Maron's also ending for the season but I have no time for that nonsense. Why watch a depressing, hot comedian be unpleasant when I could be watching Lisa Ling interview sex slaves with zero options or compassionate support? Bummer, no thanks. Heck on that. Uh, Joe Machi probably won't last much longer on Last Comic Standing, unless he wins the whole thing, so watch him while you can because he is magical. And I have a bonus hot take on sitcoms I would like to share with you, which is that I don't care for Married and I love You're The Worst, exactly opposite my expectations. I guess you just never know, which is what makes life such a fun thing to be dealing with, but also hard to master.

[Image via CBS]

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