Teresa Giudice may have apologized to a judge for committing umpteen counts of fraud, but she is sure as heck not going to apologize to the OTHER Teresa on the show for being the hearer and bearer of unsavory gossip. And frankly, it's kind of nice to see that table-flipping glint in her eye once again.
And though it's rare to say in this day and age, I am Team Teresa Giudice on this one. She does not give two shits about whether Rino banged his mother-in-law, and has seemed completely uninterested in engaging in gossip about it. Yes, she told Dina the details of what Victoria Gotti said, but I do believe that it was in an effort to prevent Amber and Jim from making it sound even weirder when they inevitably busted out with it in Florida. So leave Teresa alone, for fuck's sake. She's already going to jail, what else do you want?
Thus, when Teresa mock-cries at not being invited to Twin-Teresa's random food tasting, says that she didn't do anything wrong, looks a little crazy while telling Dina that she will not be provoked, and notes that she has enough on her plate already, I am all for it. And when she tells Dina and Melissa that she doesn't want anything to go down with these hotheaded Italians and notes that she was once a hotheaded Italian herself, the glimmer of the hotheaded Italian that emerges is refreshing, like one last stand before fifteen months in the clink completely crushes her spirit. Anyway, Dina's Project Ladybug event is likely going to be a shitshow, a la many Posche fashion shows past.
Talking about Teresa's role in the mother-fucking rumor is all the rage in Franklin Lakes, where Nicole drops by Kathy's house to "pick" "up" "some" "cannolis" while Jacqueline, Chris and Rosie are visiting. And first, may I say that this is an oddly sexually charged gathering? First, we learn that Rosie secretly wants to be in a thrupple with Chris and Jacqueline, and that Chris thinks that Rosie "has a nice touch." Then Rich comments upon how sexy it is to watch Kathy filling cannolis. That is not a euphemism. OR IS IT? Anyway, this is apparently what "Friends of Housewives" get up to when they have lighter shooting schedules.
When Nicole tells the other ladies about the mother-fucking rumor, their reactions via interview are pretty hilarious.
Jacqueline: "Who fucked whose mother? Wait, what?"
Kathy: "Huh? No way."
Rosie: "The whole word motherfucker has a whole new meaning."
They all agree that Victoria Gotti is kind of crunk for sharing such a rumor, and when Nicole asks if she can trust Teresa, they're all more or less like, "…Naaaaah." The biggest thrower of shade, however, is Rich Wakile, who when Bobby refers to Teresa as "Fabellini Teresa," instantly busts out with, "Felonini."
And it's true that Teresa DOES have a lot of random friends who come on the show to drop stupid rumors, e.g., Kim D. and that cat-faced looking realtor from last year. But again, she's got some bigger fish to fry. Also, will we ever get to a point when Rino admits whether or not he actually said that he boned his mother-in-law? The twins have said it's a disgusting rumor and there's no truth to it, but Rino has remained suspiciously silent on the matter.
Well, at least when they confront Teresa at the Project Ladybug event, the twins are going to look fabulous! (This is a joke, as you know if you saw the footage of them trying on the tackiest dresses in New Jersey, which automatically equate to the tackiest dresses in the world.)
In other news, everyone's reaction to Amber lately is basically, "We're sorry your husband is a dick." Amber wants the world at large to see a softer side of Jim, not admitting that at this point it's impossible to look at him without thinking that he's a complete bitch. And frankly, it's impossible to look at the two of them without having a visceral reaction along the lines of, "God, they're the worst."
Thus, when Amber and Jim arrange a half-naked photo shoot in a barn to commemorate Amber surviving The Cancer, it is rather difficult not to feel cynically about things that would normally be moving, e.g., the mastectomy scars on Amber's back that she refers to as "clipped angel wings" and Jim being so "overcome with emotion" that he had to walk away and "cry." And I personally may actually have gagged a little when the photographer took shots of the two of them kissing.
I also totally don't buy Jim's rationale that he was such a dick to the other ladies because they treated Amber like shit. This guy LIVES to be a dick. He DELIGHTS in being a dick. It's his raison d'etre. And it's going to take more than a private dinner under a gallery of The Cancer photos to make us believe that he's a quasi-decent human. Then again, I have found a twinge of sympathy in my heart for Joe Giudice this season, so I suppose nothing is impossible.
In lighter news, Teresa spent some of her last prison-free moments getting a pedicure with daughter Gia, and horrifying her by talking about birth control. She dropped that she got something "taken out" that wasn't agreeing with her body, which Gia believed to mean that Teresa got her tubes tied. And putting your thirteen-year-old daughter in a situation where she has to say the words "tubes tied" on TV is enough reason to add a few extra months to your prison sentence, I think.
Next week: The twins call Teresa stupid at the Project Ladybug event; chaos ensues.