I play along with the charade/That doesn’t seem to be a reason to change/I feel so dirty when they start talking clues/Wanna tell them I’m a detective but I just get the blues/‘Cause she’s solving it with those eyes/Investigating with that brain, I just know it/I’m the true detective/And I wish that I had Jessie’s girl!
Sometimes your worst self...is your best self. We get the world the deserve. This girl’s gone missing, and nobody cares. Eat my knife, wood. This is True Detective Season 2, and clues are piling up, the tension is mounting, and the detectives are getting truer. Are you ready? Are you? Ready?
Courtesy of HBO, here's your first glimpse of True Detective Season 2, a forthcoming television event based on a popular Twitter meme. True Detective's first iteration kept devoted fans guessing at the identity of the true detective until the final episode—and we can only guess the show's extremely likable creator will repeat that winning strategy the second time around. Who will be the true detective in True Detective Season 2?
Robert "I Did Not Kill My Best Friend; I Did Dismember Him" Durst has admitted to lying several times over the course of HBO's magnificent docuseries The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst. (If you haven't been watching, what are you doing with your life? Go binge right now to catch up in time for Sunday's series finale.) He also maintains that he is innocent in the deaths of his wife Kathie Durst, his best friend Susan Berman, and his other best friend, Morris Black. Do not trust this man. If he offers you candy on the street, run the other away. If you find him hiding under your bed, burn down your house.
In this fraught American media landscape, who can be trusted? Brian Williams is a faker, and Bill O'Reilly is too. The credibility of our most cherished cultural lodestars is crumbling before our eyes, and the mighty haven't stopped falling. That's right: Xzibit is a fraud, and Pimp My Ride was insane bullshit.
Black Dynamite is the best show on television. Since beginning its second season on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim back in October, Dynamite—an animated spin-off of the 2009 Michael Jai White blaxploitation send-up/homage movie— has depicted the following: Mister Rogers (you know, the army-trained killing machine-turned-children's show host?) using Waka Flocka Flame lyrics to train an army of child soldiers; Rev. Al Sharpton using the shocking content of Alex Haley's Roots ("I heard it was bad, but not THAT bad!") to convince the black community to enslave all white people in retaliation for not getting reparations; and Mr. Drummond from Diff'rent Strokes adopting a group of streetwise black children to compete in a Hunger Games-style tournament for an audience of bloodthirsty, affluent whites. Why are you watching Friends reruns again?
Sex Box, the "tame, polite, slightly awkward at times and, overall, just dull" British TV series about couples having sex in a ... wait for it ... box, is finally coming to America. WE tv (which is apparently an actual network) has billed it as "the boldest show on TV" and promised "couples will have sex in this box for the first time ever." Good. Nobody wants to fuck in a used sex box.
There's almost nothing that drives more internet outrage and ALL CAPS comments than a story about some dickwad interfering with the way other dickwads raise their insufferable, asshole children. A news story about a man slapping someone else's kid would be Facebook gold, so, because Facebook Gold is now the world's dominant reserve currency, NBC just took a fictional one and turned it into a miniseries.