The space-traitor Neil DeGrasse Tyson would rather classify Mercury, Venus, Mars, and our own fair blue marble, Earth—the only home we’ve got and the only object in space known to contain Beyoncé— as dwarf planets than see Pluto officially become a planet again. Tyson confessed under questioning from Stephen Colbert in a topical! video on the Late Show’s YouTube channel.

In the face of new evidence that Pluto is awesome, brought to light by NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft, Colbert dragged Tyson into his Late Show office to make sure he had his alibi straight for Pluto’s murder (as a planet).

“I’m an accessory,” Tyson said, “I didn’t pull the trigger. I drove the car that escaped the scene.”

And he’s still glad Pluto is dead (again, as a planet). Since it was first discovered, increasingly accurate measurements of its size have shown it to be much, much smaller than humanity’s original impression of it as Earth-sized. And how can it be a planet if it’s not even on his novelty solar system tie?

He’d rather throw Earth itself under the bus than repent. These are the sad excuses of a man terrified of spending life in a space-prison for planetcide.

[Late Show]