Tonight on TV, we say goodbye and best wishes to Melissa And Joey, see why Atlanta Thinks It Can Dance, and check back in with those duck people that hate the gays.
At 8/7c., ABC Family is offering the third-season finales for their sitcoms Melissa And Joey and Baby Daddy, but FOX has So You Think You Can Dance's Atlanta auditions, which promise to be especially spectacular. In Atlanta they do tend to think they can dance and you know what, they are usually right.
At 9/8c., all you marionette molesters out there can watch Rake on DirectTV, while USA has the second episodes of Suits and Graceland. I will probably spend this hour playing the Red Dead Redemption video game, as I have just discovered the area in the story where you teach your son to hunt and herd cattle and become a man. It soothes me on a certain level.
At 10/9c., there are mysteries to be solved on MTV (Catfish) and ABC (Motive), and on Bravo there's Untying The Knot, where the only mystery is Why are you watching it? Because the reason these people are getting a divorce is never going to be a mystery. (It is because they are unremittingly, uniformly awful. Case closed!) And speaking of awful, the premieres of American shame circus Duck Dynasty, plus brand new garbage person Big Smo, finally debut on the former Arts and Entertainment network.
But if more intellectual fare is to your liking, and/or you are high on pot, we suggest traveling Through the Wormhole, where host Morgan Freeman will ask the question of the ages: "Does the Ocean Think?"
What is your take on that very strange question? I think that if you imagine everything is computers and we are all just machines of varying levels of complexity—that a person is a smarter computer than a dog and a dog is a smarter computer than a beehive, and so on—then yes: The ocean thinks. But if that thinking oceanic machine could talk, what would it say? "Get this little boy out of this same boat as a tiger. That is no place for a boy!" or maybe just "Stop pullin' on me, you dumb moon."
[Image via The Science Channel]