Silicon Valley Becomes a Playground For the Sexually Monstrous

It's entirely appropriate that Silicon Valley's first season climaxes with a nerdy, meandering dick joke. After all, and I say this with love, isn't Silicon Valley itself pretty much one big nerdy, meandering dick joke?

After all, Gavin Belson's declaration that "no matter what you may have heard, size matters" is as much a kitschy joke as it is an (inadvertent) acknowledgement that he's been locked in a big dick contest with Pied Piper from the minute Richard turned down the ten million. Despite Pied Piper's victory-by-lawsuit-avoidance, catapulting them to Disrupt's final round and giving Erlich's ego a nice firm stroke in the process, Hooli's unveiling of Nucleus leaves Pied Piper all but dead in the water, bested by identical compression algorithms with ten times the functionality. Though the Pied Piper boys have plenty of pluck, Hooli has the speed, the features, and goddamn it, they have Shakira.

Silicon Valley Becomes a Playground For the Sexually Monstrous

With a day to go before their public execution, "Optimal Tip-to-Tip Efficiency" follows the boys as they do their best to bail their sinking ship. Erlich opts for the cornered animal approach ("Act erratically, and blindly lash out at anything around us"), spreading rumors by denying them in order to undermine Gavin's confidence and boost their profile. Jared, fried from four days on Robot Forklift Island, becomes obsessed with pivoting into a new business model (like how ChatRoulette started as a social platform but became a playground for the sexually monstrous). Dinesh and Gilfoyle surreptitiously try to get themselves recruited by upstart startup Kwerpy while proving to themselves that they're not dickheads. And Richard gets himself a date... with a lady.

I'll be running down these threads in the comments, sharing my li'l thoughts and talking about dicks. What did you think? Will you be coming back next season? Did everything Entourage up too tidy in the end? Interested, very interested, or very interested? Let's talk it all out.

[Image via HBO]

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