Rachel Gets Freaky and Sniper Helena Gets Cheeky on Orphan Black

Orphan Black drove straight through on Saturday: it made no detours, no pitstops, no Big Gulp runs, it just sped through each plot development like a mad Celine-Dion-style joyride from start to finish, and it was even more exhilarating than stealing a vehicle (I assume).

"Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est" ("Knowledge itself is power") hit the gas at Rachel Duncan's blood smeared apartment, where she took in all the lady-themed hieroglyphics and offered Paul a new job as the series' Homme Fatal. We really didn't jump around much this episode—we have to assume Allison was busy journaling and talking it out in group at rehab and Mrs. S was crunching some springs at Motel 8 off camera, because mainly we vollied back and forth between Sarah and Helena this week as they circled Rachel Duncan, who BTW has some hot ass lingerie up her sleeve. What is it about suits and sex as a rule? Under every pinstripe beats the heart of a freak, I tell you.

Things started on a bright beat: Helena waking up in Felix's apartment, and really every time Tatiana Maslany and Jordan Gavaris warm up to each other in different guises on camera my heart skips a beat, but Helena's was the best, waking up in her tattered bloody Gothic gown, hissing at Felix, and then stealing a pen on the way to Detective Bell's.

Once there she effectively ate all his earthquake supplies in one ungodly melange of canned goods and powdered donuts while making some surprisingly fantastic sound effects with her mouth. Like, did they do that in post or can Tatiana Maslany make pig sounds and eye-popping FX with all the accuracy of Larvelle Jones from Police Academy? If Tatiana truly has all her natural born graces AND a Michael Winslow mouth then slow clap building to a standing O for that one! Anyway she regaled Bell about the time she blinded a nun with her thumbs and ate sardines and ramen noodles, it was basically supper at my house.

Sarah skyped with Kira who had gotten a whole new wardrobe from "Daddy" which, good girl, if a man bought me all new clothes I'd call him Daddy too.

Felix got ready for the glowy loft date of a lifetime, but just as the massage oils came out to play Paul and the police showed up and Paul very aggressively smushed a gun into Felix's hand, essentially framing him for a police officer's murder. I don't know why he had to straddle Felix to get his prints but that's just the way of the L'Homme Fatal, I suppose. With Felix in custody and an ersatz murder weapon hanging over his head like the sword of Damacles, the heat was back on Sarah to turn herself into Dyad.

Rachel, in addition to turning Paul into her concubro, had ordered Dr. Leekie not to assist Cosima in her treatment, but Dr. Leekie got surprisingly cool about that and told Cosima that the original genome no longer exists ("the project itself is an orphan") but no matter what he was going to continue to try and get her well. Perhaps we can forgive Delphine for staying loyal to Leekie all this time? Maybe he's another Orphan Black original, a beneficent mad scientist?

For just straight up Nucking Futs Scientists there's always vaguely Warren Jeffs-y Henrik, busily fertilizing his stolen Helena egg while Gracie is forced to sit in a horse stall with her lips sewn shut, repenting. Honestly, it just looks very difficult to do, sewing a mouth shut, like it would get infected really easily and what happens when you sneeze? However a sewn-shut mouth will not hamper you from getting your calcium. The compound's reigning Joaquin Phoenix Lookalike Contest Winner came in and helped her drink milk through a straw and promised her he'd like her no matter how many clones she'd kilt, so, that was encouraging.

Gracie told Henrik that yes, okay, she had tried to kill Helena, and was informed as her repentance she'd have to get Helena back or carry the egg to term herself so, get out the over-sized butterfly nets or the maternity draws because you're going to need'em.

Helena, powered up from her snack attack, rolled Bell and left, thoughtfully sprinkling a trail of clues after herself for Sarah to follow, a trail that led to Maggie Chen's locker, where Helena had at one time lived.

It's times like these I wish I had Helen Gurley Brown's ghost sat on my shoulder to watch TV with me at all times so I could hear her comment on things like camping out in a storage locker as a single girl. "If a tiny budget forces you to scrimp and save, the metropolitan minx must get creative to feather her flophouse! Cover your walls with a cut-out collage of nuns whose eyeballs you popped out!" Nooo, that would not be her advice. But that is what Bell and Sarah found, along with a picture of Swan Man—one of the original Leda Project scientists, still alive waaay past the lab explosion—and Sarah quickly recognized it as leverage. Then Bell recognized the case for a sniper rifle and they decided they'd done enough poking around and needed to seriously collect Helena already.

Meanwhile in Rachel's freshly bleached high rise, she'd put on a negligee designed by Eros himself and was bossing Paul around extremely erotically, thoroughly checking out his gums as you do before having sexual intercourse with a partner. "Take your shirt off." she snarled, and not a complaint was heard in all the land.

Across the road Helena was ritualistically readying a sniper rifle in an abandoned apartment building across from Rachel's curtains-free giddyup times. But just as Helena had Rachel's bob in her cross hairs, Sarah and Bell burst in. Helena told Sarah to take a look at what Paul was getting up in, and I have to say I really loved how little Sarah gave a shit. "He doesn't matter anymore" she said, and turned to Helena to deliver one of the most devastating speeches of the season if not the series so far.

Maybe it was the vertical stripes, but as Sarah recognized Helena as her as a sister and confessed the grief she'd felt when she thought she'd killed her, I kept thinking about the Joker and Batman. Helena certainly mixes elements of chaos, alienation and comic relief in a Joker-y type fashion while Sarah is outside the law yet working alongside it to restore some kind of order, and seeing that classic duality: the righteous outsider vs. the destructive outsider, and then watching them embrace each other, it kind of melted me into a little heart shaped puddle. "I didn't know how to tell anyone what I'd lost" Sarah wept about grieving her twin, and Helena set down her gun, and the two walked away from a potential murder scene arm in arm. Let Rachel have the Homme Fatal, I think Helena and Sarah got the better end of the bargain.

Ultimately things left off with Leekie getting rewarded for his continued treatment of Cosima with a visit from Sarah and a glimpse at Swan Man. Paul is still on his trail, and while I sort of hope he swings back to helping our heroines I'll be just as happy if Sarah and Helena just maintain their status quo.

[Image via BBC America]

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