Up until now Nicky was absolutely my favorite character, but now it might be Gloria. It's nothing personal, I still want to be bunkmates with Natasha Lyonne, but the day you mix acid wash jeggings with Santeria is the day I fall down and worship at your character's altar.

When the Latina inmates' showers back up, they start using the showers held by the black inmates, forcing Gloria and Vee to go head to head as representatives of their respective racial factions. Meanwhile the shit fountains they call shower drains call attention to how grossly top brass at Litchfield is neglecting it's inmates: Caputo tries to bring in a plumber, assistant warden Ms. Fig refuses to approve the basic expense.

Also, Healy's Russian mail-order wife hates him, so he tries to make friends with Caputo, who has a jammin' cool dad band called Side Boob, and it's so confusing because we all hate Healy but also his aggressive pursuit of just one damned friend is so agonizing it's impossible not to feel bad for him and then what am I even feeling at that point. Sympathy for the devil.

Piper applies for a furlough to see her dying grandmother even though it means asking something from Healy and calls and talks to Larry for the first time in a while and says she's glad to talk to him, despite the fact he's the single least likable, most weaselly person in this show's universe, and I include Pornstache in that statement.

Also Boo and Nicky compete to see who can bang either the most or the hottest girls and Nicky has the balls to make a play at Fischer, the gold-hearted but slightly naive guard. It's girl-on-girl misogyny and objectification and Fischer isn't buying it. Good, at least there's one character who doesn't live in "Low Self Esteem City."

Anyway, the aggression between the Latina and black inmates comes to a head when Daya gets tripped and Bennett goes absolutely nuts like a bomb has gone off and it's both weirdly romantic and revealing yet makes them so vulnerable and YOW I can't take it.

After this Gloria corners Vee in a bathroom and Vee breaks down and says Gloria's girls can HAVE the bathrooms, fine, she's too old for this shit, all she asks in return is if maybe Gloria could help her girls get some custodial jobs? Gloria agrees, and Vee does this incredible smile that tells us Vee just got the upper hand.

Also, an asshole burns to death in flashback. Don't fuck with Santeria!

Who is your favorite character?

Objectification of women: not just a guy thing?

[Images via Netflix]

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