If there's one thing that reality television has consistently taught us through the years, it's DO NOT WAVE YOUR DAMN FINGER IN SOMEONE'S FACE! If you do, someone is bound to slap your hand and call you a bitch—a lesson Momma Joyce learned all too well this week.
So let's just get to it, shall we?
It does indeed appear that Momma Joyce has the wrong one now, bitch, in the form of Todd's mother, Sharon. At the beginning of the episode, Todd was concerned about how his mother would fare against the old lady gang. I think we can all safely say that she held her own! And Sharon hasn't even HEARD that Momma Joyce is telling everyone AND television cameras that she was a prostitute.
The one person who gets full permission to wave her finger anytime she wants to is Aunt Bertha, because she does so in the name of peace!
And thank goodness for Aunt Nora, who seems like the one legitimately sane family member that Kandi has, and tries to lighten the mood a bit. Momma Joyce is TOTALLY amused, as you can see by her face.
Momma Joyce does have one lucid moment when she says, "We just two bitches shaking damn fingers!" Is that going to be the tag line for the Joyce and Sharon road trip/buddy comedy spin-off that (fingers crossed) Bravo has in development right now? Where they just go from town to town getting real turnt up?
For years I've actually had an idea for a reality show that's sort of a mix of Big Brother and Bad Girls Club, simply called Old Bag House. The main premise is: old ladies fighting. I feel like Kandi's Wedding has given us the bulk of our cast, and then you throw in Elaine Stritch and it's magic.
Anyway, Kandi didn't even WANT to have this dinner. But Todd is apparently a fan of communication and hates to avoid problems (as we learned in a marriage counseling session with Pastor Pollard), so thought it would be a great idea. Todd also has been on the crew of reality shows including Real Housewives of Atlanta, and knows a good storyline when one points its finger in his face.
Sharon also gets points (not finger points, for obvious reasons) for saying aloud that Momma Joyce needs to be on meds. Also for showing up to Atlanta in a short and stubby polka dot tie. Also for being nice to Kandi. I really hope that Momma Joyce doesn't, like, throw a pot of boiling acid on her before the season is over.
We also learn during this episode that old lady feuds are not the only game in town! Maid of Honor Carmon and Matron of Honor Tan have been best friends with Kandi for years, but apparently hate each other. They read each other to filth in various interview segments, and then things blow up at a planning meeting for Kandi's bachelorette party. Cousin Weenie finally has to get all turnt up herself and tell them to squash that shit!
Our good friend Phaedra is in attendance at this summit, and as usual has really great ideas about how to make Kandi's bachelorette party a classy affair! When bridesmaid Rasheeda puts the kibosh on having male strippers…
…Phaedra is incensed! But then she does some out-of-the box thinking, and comes up with the following innovative bachelorette party options:
- Chicks with Dicks
- Small people with long penises
- Little people who strip
Phaedra's daily to-do lists must really be something.
In logistical updates, Kandi DOES have wedding invitations (a whole eight days before the wedding!), and does NOT with certainty have a wedding dress that covers her nipples. Minor details!
Next time: As promised, little people who strip. And hopefully Momma Joyce calls Sharon a prostitute to her face!
[Images via Bravo]
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