Tonight we've got chefs, robot babies and people under a dome; many, many single ladies looking for a special connection; and ninjas with something to prove.

At 8/7c. there's the usual love (and frequent grimness) of The Bachelorette and Love And Hip Hop Atlanta, class-based family antics on ABC Family's Switched At Birth, and the Top 15 Chefs mastering each other and more importantly themselves on Masterchef. I feel like each week I say that and it's just a random number. "Sometimes seven, sometimes 34 chefs compete, on some episode of Masterchef." I remember a summer spent at my grandparents' house, during which every day I would cut out the Mary Worth comics so that at the end of the summer I could read them all in a row and determine once and for all if they were a sequential story, or—as I'd long suspected—just random unconnected images of an old lady bitching at people.

At 9/8c. you've got 24 and the American Ninja Warrior Venice Beach Finals, or if you're more into lowbrow there's an HBO documentary, Dangerous Acts Starring The Unstable Elements Of Belarus, about political art in Minsk. The best show on television, The Fosters, has a new episode on ABC Family, The CW's Beauty And The Beast has its season finale for some reason, and the Real Housewives Of Orange County are: Buying puppies and robot babies in bulk, and looking to vengeful chthonian shrieker Vicki Gunvalson for advice about how to be married and other human activities, "Come For The Robot Baby, Stay For The Suicide Pact" being of course Bravo's official tagline for this season of flagship docudrama The Real Housewives of Orange County.

At 10/9c. you can either pretend to watch Under The Dome if irony's your "bag," Mistresses and/or Ladies of London if you love to see crazy ladies doing crazy lady things, or Longmire if you yearn for the sweet embrace of oblivion. Or if you actually enjoy life and excellence, I might recommend to you the exuberant and informative Teen Wolf, which is about teens most of the time, wolves only sometimes, and lately, a beautiful jaguar lady who will magically turn you into a teenager and molest you just long enough so her friends—who are giant bears, wearing giant bear costumes—can steal all of your stocks and bonds.

[Image via Bravo]

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