Tonight we've got more tiny homes than you can shake a regular-sized stick at, Christmas wars, the ageless beauty of the Beaten Generation and some randos named Kennedy. Do not be alarmed.
AT 8/7c.
- E! has a special that they are calling The Kennedy Wedding but do not be fooled, they're just random people that don't matter. E!'s version of the Kennedy Honors is just feeding ducks in the parking lot of a Chuck E. Cheese's. E!'s version of a Schriver is dating Miley Cyrus.
- But best wishes to the happy Kennedy couple, Jason and Lauren, of the E! family and not the Kennedy family.
- ABC's Great Christmas Light Fight finally comes to an end, as the remaining families receive their harshest criticism yet, from an old man that cannot see and hates the fuck out of Christmas. Whose display will be bright enough to win his approval? And what will happen when his identity is revealed? For it was Johnny Knoxville all along, playing his loveably irascible "Blind Grampy" character. A miracle of sorts.
- On PBS, it's the redundantly titled Antiques Roadshow: The Boomer Years. Old people just put your junk away, okay. If it was worth anything you'd know. Stop looking for a get-rich-quick scheme, an easy shortcut to riches: That's how the S&L crisis happened. You didn't start the fire, we get it already.
- Also at 8:30, Mike & Molly is titled "Tis the Season to Be Molly," which pisses me of I don't even know why.
AT 9/8c.
- Did you ever wonder what would happen if Guy Fieri pushed it all the way and just went ahead and became spectacular? Let's check in on that fresh concept tonight on the Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives: Southern Spectacular.
- Major Crimes has a "Chain Reaction," not unlike what happens when you watch
- Two hours of Bravo morons, Vanderpump Rules and Euros of Hollywood, or
- FYI's triple threat of comfortingly tiny homes, first with the season premiere of Tiny House Nation and two-episode premiere of the new show Tiny House Hunting, in which adorable tiny-yet-livable houses are tracked, stalked, and murdered for their precious pelts.
In a just world there would be as many or more shows about tiny homes than there are about cake. That's just my honest opinion. I don't care about cake, but I do care deeply about seeing things and people arranged aesthetically into perfect spaces. What can you do with a cake? Just wreck it. Just take something beautiful and shove it in your face and masticate it. What can you do with a perfect tiny space? Sit very still forever, part of an intricate design, clean and without end, combining form and function. A place for everything, and everything in its place, forever and ever, amen. End of a cake show: That cake is gone, like it was never there. End of a tiny house? That tiny tale—or should I say story—is only just beginning.
AT 10/9c.
- Anger Management has some easy to understand episodes happening at this time: "Charlie & the Sexy Swing Vote," in which Charlie learns about hard and soft limits, safe words, and the extremes of pain and pleasure when you are fucking the state of Iowa, and "Charlie & the 100th Episode," in which Charlie Sheen does something vile to women for the 1,000th time and we all shower him with money and attention for his behavior.
- My Strange Criminal Addiction continues to be a strange addition of the legal kind with "Eye of the Beholder," which I can only imagine is about one of those pee-pee/poo-poo men they always find lurking in the toiletry of state parks across our great nation.
- NBC's State of Affairs fall finale finds Secretary Charlie in over her head, because she is a peeping tom who has hidden herself in the plumbing of a national park rest station. The state of her affair this week is, the state of being in big trouble.
At 11/10c. one thing I can't imagine doing is Watching What Happens: Live when Seth Rogen and James Franco visit what will probably be a very giggly, not to say thirsty, Andy Cohen.
Around midnight Amazon Prime introduces its new biggest thing ever, a ten-episode dramedy called Mozart in the Jungle, in which the trashy chick from Gone Girl—the one with the crack burn on her lip that is Jessa's sister in real life and they have another sister named Domino also in real life—is an oboe player who realizes that orchestra drama is next level. Not ballet drama level, but still pretty weird. About the antics of these musical prodigies and their foibles, you will be like Oboe they didn't.
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