Tonight on television there will be: Television programs. Among them will be included a fantasy date with Tom Arnold, hunks climbing things, a new kind of family or two, teens who are wolves and coyotes, and nothing of interest happening under any sort of dome. Also Top Models such as the top model featured in the video above.

At 8/7c. it's another trip to Paradise for various Bachelors and Bachelorettes, as well as former bachelor Tom Arnold's time Running Wild with Bear Grylls. If urban found-art and neo-dadaism is more your flavor, we've got the Top 8 Masterchefs and Switched At Birth's season finale, this time named after a 1974 work by Fluxus artist Robert Filliou, "And life begins right away (Je suis Libre d'être Libre)." It is a piece of actual garbage with writing on it, which is the opposite of the show, which is nice (and has artistic merit)! But if you are into the heavy shit then really you only have one option: Nick's new Dora And Friends: Into The City!, whose premiere episode "Doggie Day!" I have seen, and found to be bonkers.

At 9/8c. Ninja Warrior goes to Vegas for some Finals, HBO's got a special on Pamela Smart, there's the usual Hotel Hell and Real Housewives of Orange County, and a couple of premieres of note—America's Next Top Model (ep title "The Boyz R Back" is one notable part; the fact that the show still exists is the other) and Dallas on TNT—and, of course, the summer finale of the best show on television, The Fosters. Tonight, sweet little Connor's shitty dad intensifies his campaign against sweet little, possibly-gay little Jude, causing mom Lena (with whom Jude's been on a three-episode Wiccan sabbatical after she miscarried a unicorn baby) to go apeshit, while Callie starts thinking she can put her bio-dad's money to good use in a move that will probably backfire horrifically and probably end up with a maimed Rosie O'Donnell.

What further calamity may befall the Fosters this week? Watch and find out! I predict at least three further calamities will befall them. Brandon's on/off relationship with Lou will bust into crazy/beautiful territory once she learns about his recent rape by his dad's live-in AA sponsor/fiancée. Jesus is getting super-John Tucker'd, I bet. Mariana's estrangement from her Latina heritage will probably cause one. I'm the most interested in that one because I feel like none of us can more forward until we actually see Teri Polo coldcock a drug addict.

At 10/9c. David Rees is Going Deep with the unstoppable technique for How to Climb a Tree; Mistresses and Under the Dome are both shows that are on, in different ways; Teen Wolf is going for it as we finally learn the situation of the mysterious Benefactor. Who do you think it is? I think it is somebody's mom, or somebody's mom's mom. Somebody that didn't canonically exist a month ago, that's who I think. I also anticipate learning a great deal about a subject that I didn't heretofore know much about, but that's every week. You should never underestimate Teen Wolf's manic drive to educate.

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