Tonight we've got Frida Kahlo references, a countdown to a Vassar grad's leg-throwing tantrum, a royal birthday, and unstoppable techniques.
At 8/7c., probably you will just be on the edge of your seat for a full half-hour waiting for Prince George's first birthday party on E!. But if you would like to distract yourself from that world-shaking event with some television, the "men" are "telling all" on The Bachelorette, Masterchef's down to Top 13, and this week's Switched At Birth is titled "Girl With Death Mask (She Plays Alone)," so that should probably be super fun. My favorite horrible asshole thing I ever saw in my life was the simple—in some ways perfect, perhaps—Tumblr comment: "Frida Kahlo: Not so easy on the eyes." I still think about that every day. Some guys just wanna see the world burn.
At 9/8c. you've got the St. Louis finals for Maxine Hong Kingston vanity project American Ninja Warrior, VH1's Hit The Floor is even more "Unguarded" than usual, CW's shitty new comedies are back and you should avoid them, there's a special episode of Killer Kids on LMN called "Satan's Disciples," and Hotel Hell's second season starts on Fox. At my house we will be watching The Fosters, the best show on television, and maybe later Real Housewives Of The OC. (Only one more night until NY's Aviva throws her leg!) I love Chef Hell because his face looks like a sexy angry delicious macaron, but I'm starting to think our Venn diagrams will never overlap. If he were to make a show about yelling at kids to be better kids, or yelling at cyclists to be better drivers, then maybe.
At 10/9c. Mistresses is up to its usual tricks with the confused and confusing title, "An Affair To Surrender"; there is by the way a show on the Cooking Channel called Bite This With Nadia G, I don't know what it is or who this woman is but I just thought you should know this; and then there's the usual: Dome Jokes For Dome Jokers, Teen Wolf, Ladies Of London, and Longmire. Alternately, NGC is airing two episodes of Going Deep With David Rees, in case you want to know how to dig a hole or flip a coin, two activities for which his techniques are sure to be unstoppable.
Finally, 11/10c. brings us the LMN Special Murder-In-Law, which makes me curious but not that curious.
SPECIAL TYRANT ANNOUNCEMENT
A new episode of FX's Tyrant will air 29 hours from the time this post goes live. Please email me at Jacob (at) gawker.com for more precise updates on when exactly the next episode of Tyrant will air. If you are starting to panic that Tyrant will not air, remember that a new episode of Tyrant will be airing at its usual time, which is 29 hours from right now. Halt And Catch Fire, however, has been cancelled, along with Fargo and Mad Men, to make room for a brave new strategy at FX wherein the whole channel is just going to be episodes of Tyrant from now on, in an endless scintillating loop of episodes of Tyrant, beginning with its next airing, which is in 29 hours.