Last week, we learned the sad news that Kandi's mother-in-law, Miss Sharon, passed away suddenly after a stroke. In this week's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, we learned that one of her final acts was threatening to punch Mama Joyce in the mouth should the two encounter each other again.
So, first of all, RIP, which actually means "rest in peace" and not "revel in punches," though I hope that Miss Sharon gets whichever afterlife she prefers. And second, Miss Sharon has a point! Sure, she may be emboldened by being on her home turf in the Bronx AND enjoying a few margaritas, but the fact is that Mama Joyce called her a PROSTITUTE on TV. And not just meaning "prostitute" as a throw-away insult. Mama Joyce said that Sharon was ACTUALLY a prostitute, like, professionally.
Sharon's first response to this was a spirited, "I ain't never been no prostitute. You know what? Check my resume." Which was SO "Show me the receipts" that I almost fell off my couch. Sharon is certain of two things: 1) She's not scared of Mama Joyce (that makes one of us!); 2) Mama Joyce has to clear this shit up, or deal with the consequences. Sharon's apparently got an old lady gang of her own, from the Bronx, and they're not playing any kind of Golden Girls cheesecake-on-the-lanai games.
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Kandi gets a little heated during this conversation, while trying to stay respectful, and assures Sharon that she will NOT allow her to punch Mama Joyce in the mouth. She's also not thrilled that Sharon calls her out on enabling Mama Joyce to be the crazy lunatic that she is. The fact that Kandi throws up her hands and is basically like, "Eh, she does that stuff all the time," is rather alarming, and hopefully some of what Sharon and Todd are saying will eventually get through to her. For now, though, Kandi is just relieved that when Sharon says she's going to put something in the mail for Mama Joyce that she's talking about a court summons and not a horse head.
Kandi is visiting Todd while he's working in New York, and in addition to this pleasant dinner at Sammy's Fish Box they also get to see Cynthia walking in fashion week. Cynthia is slated to close a show for her "friend," designer Kithe Brewster. Kithe first grabs a tape measure and notes that Cynthia has put on some extra ass, and then tells a younger model to demonstrate her walk, saying, "Let's have her show grandma Cindy how the new girls are doing it now." He adds, "We'll get you a walking stick." !!!!!!! Maybe Miss Sharon can punch him in the mouth, too, while she's at it?
Back in Atlanta Cynthia plays all confident like, "I'm Cynthia Bailey. Now what else is going on?" but I worry that she's been secretly measuring her ass since returning from New York.
Cynthia has some other, non-donkey-booty related drama going on. At the tail end of the disastrous dinner from last week, Cynthia and Nene have some alone time in which Cynthia feels that Nene lets her walls down, apparently by dabbing at her dry eyes with a napkin.
Hey, whatever works. Cynthia says that the friendship started breaking down when Nene called Peter a bitch. Nene points out that a real friend would have rung a person on the phone to talk it out, and not waited until the reunion to bring it up. In the end, though, Cynthia says she still wants to be friends and Nene hopes to move on, and they hug for a looooooong time.
This leaves Cynthia optimistic that they can get their friendship back on track. Two big things stand in her way. The first is Nene, who interviews, "I never make the same mistake twice." She thinks that Cynthia did her wrong, and is now going to be skeptical of her forever.
The second is Peter. As opposed to Gregg, who notes that deep down Nene and Cynthia do miss each other and thinks if they get to the bottom of their issues that healing can begin, Peter notes that he's been "extremely in paradise" for the duration of the Nene-free past six months. Apparently they've been having more sex, and I was going to say that correlation does not equal causation, but now I'm starting to wonder. Perhaps there are some interesting amendments to that friendship contract that we didn't know about?
As is his custom, Peter was all up in women's business with the Nene drama, tweeting nasty stuff and also saying that he doesn't want to have to compete with her. He mocks Cynthia's desire to get their friendship back on track, saying that she sounds like a twelve year old, and points out that Nene did a bunch of foul things to Cynthia, and Cynthia doesn't want to hold her accountable. That last part may actually be true. Still, as Nene points out rather theatrically, "Peter has talked negative about me on social media and in other places. But yet Cynthia will get mad if someone calls him out of his name. I wonder why, when he totally acts like the word that he's been called." My personal vote is that Cynthia gets a new husband AND new friends.
And finally, in this episode Phaedra assures us that the Apollo situation isn't affecting her jobs-plural by agreeing to defend hairstylist Derek J., who is accused of instructing his staff to steal a woman's expensive weave right out of her head. Quoth Phaedra, "So she says you're a…um…hair burglar?"
Also quoth Phaedra, "Hide your daughters, hide your weaves, hide your wigs! Derek J. is coming, and your hair'll be going faster than this!" Also quoth Phaedra, "Fix it Jesus." I'm glad that something is making her laugh, in any case!
Next time: Oh NOOOOOOO Apollo embraces Phaedra in public.