What Are You Watching on TV Tonight?

Quick question: Why in hell does SVU have an Instagram? I love the idea that somewhere there exists a social media intern whose job it is to add fun candids to the Special Victims Unit Instagram. "Basically like Facebook, right? One of those viral things, like Twitter or Friendster?" Yes, sir. essentially that is what that is. "So start one up! What are we payin' you for?" [Note: The picture above is not, in fact, from the SVU Instagram. Just to be clear.]

At 8/7c. tonight there are all-star finales for the big reality shows from ten or twenty years ago, American Idol and Survivor, and finales for two shows I have heard of but didn't know were still airing new episodes, The Middle and Revolution. If you are still into American Idol, I bet you have solid reasons for that, and anyway I don't judge: Much like Randy Jackson, I am useless for that job. As far as the other thing, Patricia Heaton is a goddamned monster of a human being and I refuse to invite into my home, or otherwise associate with, anything her grubby vicious bone-gnawing monster paws have touched. Which is why I will be tuning into another Animal Planet special, this one taking as its subject the timeless question of MAN-EATING SUPER-WOLVES.

At 9/8 probably American Idol will just be hitting its most boring part where they bring out some lady you never heard of, who used to sing backup for somebody you never heard of, and is now basically famous for being super old, or else some rock band where the lead singer had his stomach pumped in the 1970s and it was just liters and liters of semen. And speaking of liters of semen, the Law & Order: Just Like Regular Law & Order Only Liberally Drenched In Liters of Semen finale, with the discomfiting title "Spring Awakening," also airs. (I'm predicting zero super-wolves, but who knows.)

In more intentional attempts at comedy, we get the finale of the big gay Modern Family wedding, the first half of which I very much enjoyed, followed by the last-ever episode of heterosexual grand guignol Mixology, in which it discovered that all the people in the bar actually died in a plane crash, and this has all just been a horny sort of Purgatory, and that's why the show sucks: There is nothing funny about repentance.

Then at 10, you get the Survivor reunion where all the people from a moment ago sit around talking about what it was like a moment ago, the finale of The Americans and Chicago PD, and then the premiere for Motive, starring Gwen from The Killing. She was one of my favorite characters due to her whimsical exuberance, which was a standout even on that show full of happy-go-luckys, ne'er-do-wells, and the occasional slaughtered orphan. One smile must always be the brightest, and on that show it was definitely that belonging to Gwen, whose hilarious life included being pimped literally out to Capitol Hill personnel from childhood. Also one time I swear she licked blood off the Mayor's face but nobody ever believes me about that.

Anyway, what are you planning on watching? Consider this an open thread to talk about it. Check please, if you would, to see if there's already a thread, but otherwise have at it.

[Image via ABC]