It's a strange age we live in when Kim Kardashian can make so much money off of a mobile gaming experience and we write endlessly about its production, its profits, and its deeper cultural meaning instead of the obvious question: What will be the next smash-hit celebrity gaming experience?
Nicole Richie's Marina Abramović's The Artist Is Present
Candidly Nicole already said everything that needs to be said about anything. For just a few bucks more, say $1.99 or $2.99, we can beam Richie directly into our phones for 15-minute sessions, FaceTime-style, and it will be like a staring contest—no words—because what ears could bear the force of her truth aloud?
Lena Dunham: Brooklyn
The tragedy will be that everyone will think this game is terrible: no money, no fame, bad job, bad friends; in a shitty simulacrum of a borough already clouded with lookalikes. Putting up extra cash doesn't net you extra energy, and thus fame, but extra drinks at a party or taxi fare to a job interview. Hope is the only time limit. The think pieces will explode, Why is anyone playing this game? One night on Jimmy Fallon, Lena will laugh and explain, That's the joke.
The Harmontown Trail
You are Dan Harmon and you are traveling and there are so many records that need to be set straight. The obstacles on this journey, from Pittsburgh to Atlanta to Austin and all the way back to Hollywood, are plentiful. Snarkers, haters, anyone with a recorder or iPhone. Can you make it through the night without crying? Can you make any comedy from if it you can't? Can you make any money off that if you do? The trick here isn't in thriving but in image management, a far deadlier game. But whatever happens, you cannot die. There is nothing but a happy ending.
Pretty Little Fliers
An Angry Birds rip-off that you can only access by following clues hidden in the background of every odd-numbered episode of PLL season 6. So everyone will be playing it. The birds are Mona's various associates, with their perfect little heads all scheming and swollen atop minuscule bodies. The pigs are question marks of ascending slitheriness, the very existentialism of being a teenage girl in America. There is mystery, even narrative, to how the levels stack atop each other but we are living the solution.
Plead the Fifth
Like QuizUp, which is a diabolic narcotic mobile game show-for-one, but with Andy Cohen-derived gossip and trivia from Watch What Happens and its adjutants. The rumor is, even, that Cohen personally writes some of the questions. The rumor is, further, that NeNe Leakes is the reigning champion of North America.