How do you spice up a news story about a non-fatal car crash in Jackson, Mississippi? By involving this guy.

This clip is very much in the vein of those which gave Antione Dodson and Sweet Brown their 15 minutes. In this case, the witness has clearly been waiting for this moment for his entire life and clearly is beside himself at having the good fortune to be in the proximity of a car accident while en route to Burger King. I bet this guy dreams in Autotune.

“Hello, people,” he says to the people. Well hello, he’s counting on us to say back. I’m biting.

“What I seen was a horrible, tragic situation,” he recounts, his voice quivering with melodrama. Here’s a perfect example of the story being much less important than the way it’s told. In the MSNewsNow story that ran under this video, here’s how the crash was described: “The crash happened on Robinson Road at the Intersection of Eastview Street. It caused the officer’s patrol car to hit a utility pole, splitting it.”

In the witness’s words, here’s how it happened: “The officer got behind the man and started going so fast his car spinned out of control. Girl, he hit the pole.”

See? Witness’s story is better.

The witness appears to be Courtney Barnes who has appeared on So You Think You Can Dance multiple times, as recently as two episodes ago. Barnes’s eyebrows were sculpted differently on SYTYCD than the man who appears in the news clip, but both brow styles are similarly confusing.

[There was a video here]

Regarding his profile since his first appearance appearing on the show, Barnes reported, “From the bus station all the way to the funeral home, they recognize me.” Barnes is clearly the crash witness that our fame-obsessed culture deserves.

[H/T RonaldMatters]