Have you seen Eyes Wide Shut? Great movie. Cool costumes, scary as hell, intense performance from Nicole Kidman. One of my favorites by Kubrick, though you may be hard-pressed to find many people who agree with me on that. Anyway, Ani Bezzerides is the true detective.

It’s been a weird week, and I’ll be honest: deciphering the latest True Detective was not high on my priority list for the weekend. I’m sitting down to write about it now and having trouble remembering what happened last night. Maybe that’s because it’s been a weird week; maybe it’s because nothing really happened last night.

Let’s get into it.

True Detective episode six, explained:

When we left him, Ray Velcoro was pounding on Frank Semyon’s door, on the cusp of delivering what we could only assume would be an incredible beatdown. Velcoro had just learned that he years ago murdered a man for no reason because Semyon misled him about the identity of a man who raped his wife. Velcoro, who reasonably presumed that Semyon had orchestrated the screw-up to get blackmail material on a police officer, was pissed as hell.

But when Ray enters Frank’s kitchen at the opening of episode six, things are anticlimactic. They have coffee, they point their guns at each other under the table, and Frank tells Ray that it was an honest mistake. C’est la vie. And Ray, a man who once donned brass knuckles and beat some random dad to a pulp because their sons maybe didn’t get along, pretty much forgives him on the spot. What a guy. What a world.

Meanwhile, because Ani Bezerrides and Paul Woodrugh are merely powerless figments of Nic Pizzolato’s imagination, they follow some vultures to a shack in the woods where a vaguely occultish murder has recently taken place. Remember True Detective season one? That was some good shit. Because this is a show about police, and because even Nic Pizzolato’s imagination has its limits, a cop from a rival jurisdiction tells them to stop poking around his crime scene, and they scram.

But what about the diamonds?

I don’t remember any diamonds.

The blue diamonds, which belonged to Ben Caspere, and were stolen from evidence after he died, and which will probably end up somehow incriminating the fat drunk cop (R.I.P.)?

Yes, the diamonds. Woodrugh finds out from an insurance guy that Caspere probably acquired them after they were stolen from a jewelry store during the L.A. riots, then has an insanely long and complicated conversation with a pockmarked old cop who hates N.W.A. and who saw the whole thing go down back in ‘92. Who is that guy? What is he talking about? Did the young girl from the photo grow up to be missing girl? Is this all needless backstory or are we supposed to be making a mental note about the old cop for later? Do I look like a detective to you?

In a mad hunt for Ben Caspere’s missing hard drive—which, remember, probably has footage of rich people doing sex on it, and which Frank needs to find if he wants get back into the rail corridor—Frank tortures a henchman of the dead meth-cooking pimp to get the location of the woman who was seen pawning some off Caspere’s stuff. By the time Semyon finds her, she’s already dead—killed off for basically no reason by a handsome drug dealer and his cowboy hat-wearing friend, both of whom we are to understand are very sinister and mysterious. Boy, this is a lot of characters!

The episode doesn’t really hit its stride until the final third, when Bezzerides goes undercover as a high-dollar escort at an elite sex party. Finally, we get to see one of these famous orgies, and it turns out that they’re both needlessly explicit and not nearly depraved enough. Amid lots of bouncing butts and boobs but no old-timey plague doctor’s masks, she begins hallucinating a Rasputin-type guy(?) from the molly she’s been given, who tells her she’s cute and that there’s a unicorn in the woods(??). Then she finds the missing girl, accidentally(????) knifes a man to death, and meets up with Velcoro and Woodrugh, who appear at the perfect moment to deliver her to safety.

All of which is to say that our detectives are no closer to solving the mystery of Caspere’s death than they were last week. But are we, the viewers, any closer to solving the show’s real central mystery? I refer, of course, to the question of

Who will be the true detective?

True Detective season two is almost over, and the pool of potential true detectives is getting thin. The fat drunk cop is dead; Velcoro shaved his mustache; Rick Springfield is nowhere to be found. And in episode six, everyone was too busy with lines of blow and meditations on fatherhood to do any real detecting. Everyone except Ani Bezzerides.

In an episode that almost nothing to advance the show’s plot or meaningfully develop its characters, only Ani Bezzerides had the grit and the determination to get things done. We didn’t learn much from the sex-party scene, but we did see a lot of sex, and Bezzerides was there to guide us through it. We don’t know from which cavern in Bezzerides’ subconscious sprang Mr. Rasputin, but we are confident that her unflinching resolve will help her hunt him down. (I’m guessing this is somehow related to her dad’s cult.) Like the boy Frank Semyon, we are trapped in a basement with no apparent way out, except in our case the basement is not a literal basement but Nic Pizzolato’s weird brain. Our stomachs are growing louder and the rats are closing in. With her knives and her determination, Ani Bezzerides will lead us out.

The world is broken, and so is True Detective. Ani Bezzerides is no hero, but damnit, she’s the closest thing we’ve got.

Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.