It takes a lot to make a show about an African-American family that wants nothing more than to become famous for doing jack shit boring, but oh boy, Famous In 12 gets the job done. Harvey Levin and his TMZ drones have done it again. "It" being "wasted all of our time," that is.
Throughout this episode of television show people were paid to make, Harvey Levin talks a lot about how to become famous nowadays, you don't need anything akin to talent. The Kim Kardashians and Paris Hiltons of the world are brought up constantly throughout this "social experiment," but no one mentions the fact that they were heiresses long before they were famous for doing nothing. They certainly weren't hayseeds constantly telling everyone they meet that they want to be famous.
But that doesn't stop the Artiaga (no real need to remember their name, they won't be "important" again until VH1 brings back Celebreality or something) family from wanting to become the real life antithesis of the Huxtable family, so The CW/TMZ are probably banking on the fact that people will tune in and care. Oh how they want anyone to "care." That's actually the operative word here, because no one actually expects any liking of this family.
Harvey obviously even takes joy in watching them crash and burn and immediately decides that in order to shake things up (and get some guaranteed weave-pulling by the end of the episode), it needs to be clear who the Kim, the Khloe, and the Kourntey of the family are.
For what it's worth, awful dead-eyed Jameelah is clearly the Kim:
Awful single mother Taliah is the Khloe:
And awful "sexy virgin," the only one who actually wanted to use talent to get famous (even though her talent, singing, is not particularly good), is the Kourtney:
Their plan is to become famous by being friends with the famous type, and what better way than to increase their social media presence?
Never mind that no one from this show is mentioned in that tweet.
But seriously, if there's one thing Famous in 12 has going for it, it's that is doesn't hold anything back when it comes to the cameos from the stars. We're talking this guy, of course:
Plus this lady:
Oh yeah, this dude showed up during the commercials a whole lot:
Ray J's "career" is apparently just showing up as a "huge" "celebrity" on D-list trash (see also Total Divas, which is actually light years ahead of this show, because at least that show is entertaining and those women—even Eva Marie—have talent and/or careers). He's here to make innuendos about meat and sex while also constantly finding a way to get out of taking a selfie with Jameelah:
Soulja Boy had a song frat boys liked, right?
Plus these people (did blond surfer dude get fired?!) get it:
Just a "reminder" that Jameelah is an "actress" and "survivor":
Look, Famous In 12 would be a joy to talk about (the way trashy reality television should always be!) if it were truly anger-inducing, but the show is so devoid of personality (much like its cast/real life family) that it makes Keeping Up With The Kardashians looks like… a show with personality.
Famous In 12's title stems from the family's mission to become famous in 12 weeks, but by virtue of this having already been filmed and nobody having any idea who these people are, it's safe to assume the family has failed, right?
[Images via The CW]