Completely Accurate Emmy Predictions

As the 2014 Emmy Nominations came in yesterday morning I couldn't help but recall each and every Emmy Awards ceremony of yore since I was present for all of them, thanks to wizardry and complicated elixirs. Based on that grand, age-less, lonely knowledge, here are my 100% correct predictions for who will take home that tiny woman holding a wire ball, and those who deserve it most:

Best Comedy Series

Should Win: Sad Fat Guy Philosophy
Will Win: The Netflix Jailhouse Good-times Hour

Best Actress in a Comedy Series

Should Win: Julia Louis CK, Meep
Will Win: Amy Poopler, Farts and Inhalation

Completely Accurate Emmy Predictions

Best Actor in a Comedy Series

Should Win: Don Cheeto, House of Cheetos
Will Win: Ricky Complains, The Atheist Avenger

Best Drama Series

Should Win: Long Quiet Shots of Washington DC
Will Win: Castle Chums

Completely Accurate Emmy Predictions

Best Actress in a Drama Series

Should Win: Julianna Molly-Queen, The Hood Wife
Will Win: Robin Wright's Skeleton, Long Quiet Shots of Washington DC

Best Actor in a Drama Series

Should Win: Woody or Matthew, Two Selfish Assholes Take 20 Years To Solve The Fucking Case
Will Win: Jon 'My Face Gradually Grows To Resemble A Plate Of' Hamm, Ham Men

Completely Accurate Emmy Predictions

Best Miniseries or Movie

Should Win: Bonnie & Clyde 'The Glide' Drexler
Will Win: MobFam: How Modern Family Continues To Rig The Emmys

Completely Accurate Emmy Predictions

Best Actress Miniseries or Movie

Should Win: Helena JonHamm Carter, Burton and Draper
Will Win: Jessica 'Blaze a Blaze' Galang-a-lang-a-lang-lang, American Boner Story: Wet & Wild Witches

[ Images by Alan Hanson via Missemmamm, Serious Eats, KOAT, Allocine, HollywoodQuizes, OregonLive, Vandlo, Badass Digest, LPN ]

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