Black Box Hospital Needs to Get Its Shit Together

Someone has got to shut the Black Box hospital down. Heavens to fucking Betsy, things are seriously out of hand over at "The Cube." A spastic chess player knocked out an orderly, stormed into a psychiatrist's room, broke the ceremonial dagger she keeps in her office out of its case and held her at knife point, and that was not even the craziest thing that happened. Here I thought my crazy days at the office were stressful! (My office is not a brain hospital, it's me sitting under an outdoor table at a Starbucks by the freeway.)

No the craziest thing is that an intern working with the "Marco Polo of the Brain," aka our protag Catherine Black, has had a brain tumor this whole time and was detected and operated on the same day. Wait no, the craziest thing was how they found out he had a brain tumor, wait, wait, I'm sorry, no, here it is: the craziest thing was that while presumably out of his senses because of his brain tumor he attempted to perform brain surgery on another patient, going so far as to cut the guy's scalp open. I think that was definitely the craziest thing.

See, Leo the intern has perfect recall of anything that's ever happened. Fellow intern Allie is kind of jealous and was very passive aggressively moping about what makes her a special snowflake compared to Leo and Catherine pointed out she "Doesn't hire unexceptional people." However when Allie grilled Leo on the exact age he'd seen The Goonies, she did some mental math and realized he wasn't remembering everything correctly, he was just lying.

How in the name of the Lord did no one notice this before? The Magellan, Robespierre and Tesla of the brains up in the super smart brain hospital never noticed this guy was lying left front and center? My faith in fictional hospitals is sort of shaken.

While this maelstrom of potential malpractice suits raged, Catherine had much bigger problems: she'd dropped her engagement ring down the bathroom sink drain! Well, she didn't, her Manic Pixie Dream Radiologist friend did, after asking to try her engagement ring on, which, I'm sorry but there is no such thing as a woman who asks to try on her friend's engagement ring.

To quote 'Megan' of the "WeddingBee.com" boards in a post titled "Um, a girlfriend wants to try on my engagement ring?!?!!!!" :

So, I have a girlfriend who asks me—everytime we see each other, seriously—if she can try on my engagement ring. I always say no and do not let her. Then we go round and round in the same dumb conversation where she thinks I'm being silly ("it's just a ring"), and I think she's being rude... She even asked my [fiancé] once to convince me to let her try on my ring. He was shocked, said no, and when we got home he told me he did not want to see my ring on her finger.

I am of one mind with "Megan" on these matters and call bullshit on this plot point, but of course it had to happen so an adorably quirky plumber could be called in to root through the pipes and then fall in love with Manic Pixie Radiologist. After exchanging LOTR quotes and getting fully covered in soot (or I guess, drain filth) at the end of the episode the plumber got down on one knee and presented MPR with the ring, and once again: not something that would, or should, happen in real life.

Catherine immediately losing her ring was another of the many flashing neon signs that she is not 100% solid about her engagement to Will. This might be because he's a chef, or because he audaciously solo dances at parties while his friends stand around him in a circle and clap, or maybe it's because her lady parts are a-thirstin' for Dr. Ian Bickman and his world-famous brain cutting fingers.

In this sense the little radiologist and the plumber coming together served as a foil to Catherine and Will: their wildly different careers had enough crossover to bring them together. But if you're a lady who loves the brain like an old-timey lecher loves a burlesque dancer, and you're always three feet away from a brain surgeon cocky enough to sink his digits into a hypothalamus like it's a bowling ball, you might not be as hot about your chef fiancé as you used to be.

After watching Bickman perform brain surgery Catherine stood staring at him scrub up in the operating theater box just stroking her collar bones so, so sensuously. In the whisper of those collar bone strokes we could hear the writing on the wall for her and Will.

On Will's end of things, his fling with aptly named employee Delilah at his restaurant is going about as well as these things can: she's saucing around the place in a mesh dress I deeply covet and making every attempt to woo him back into bed. Like what is her deal, getting attached to him just because they had sex and she's very young and his employee? Quelle nutbag!

No actually, the show's angle is that she's a total nutbag: the episode ended with her scowling at Will and Catherine through a window, out in the street, like a ragamuffin match girl in a totally sexy mesh insert dress. If only she'd seen the rest of the episode, she'd know she didn't have to break a sweat splitting these two up, they seem to be doing that well enough all on their own.

[Image via ABC]

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