Niche-market entertainment show for nerds and geeks and nobody else The Big Bang Theory has been in contractual limbo since mid-July, pushing back production of the show's eighth season in the process. Luckily, the show's three headline stars have now signed deals that will make them a million dollars an episode and probably extend the show's lifetime into the far-flung sci-fi future. If you don't know what the heck that show even is, don't worry. It's probably because you are a normie or a yuppie or a soc.

But don't fear! If you don't understand any of the super-esoteric in-jokes in the incomprehensible clip above, I have asked a nerd about what in the world is going on there. I mean, the performances are stellar and that's probably why the show is so successful, which leads directly to our current financial dilemma, but there are deeper layers of meaning I wanted to investigate. What I found out will surprise you!

The Bat Man: Is a "Caped Crusader" who traveled back in time to murder his own parents outside the opera, inventing justice in the process. Known for announcing "I'm Bat Man" whenever he enters the room, so his fellow superheroes are not startled. Chronicled in the feature film Batman and Robin, starring anti-vaccination crusader Alicia Silverstone in a voluminous cape.
Laughing People: Having escaped from the infamous Arkham Hospital For The Criminally Tickled, this nihilist band of rage-fueled invisible hate machines laughs hard at things you don't get... And even if you think you do, you're just faking it so nerds will want to fuck you. The goal of most people, after all.
The Pony Man: Not much is known of Pony Man. He can talk to fishes and sea urchins, but not to girls or woman humans. Alcohol sends him into a pony frenzy known as Pon farr. His pony costume marks him as a tribe of nerds known as Bronys; features include a transistor radio and a hole in it for dicks.
Other Characters Not Appearing in Clip: I heard there is a girl one. (Maybe works at Hooters? Possibly related to William Shatner, the father of Wil Wheaton, another star of this show, which takes place in a comic book store where the heroes live, earning money to support their heroism through doing math.)
The Green Face: Lived with his lesbian girlfriend's blue-collar family throughout the '90s. Very into Vertigo comics back then. Now he is strictly about having a Green Face. Powers include willpower, not being afraid of things, and disguising the fact that he's kind of a dreamboat by putting on a ridiculous nasal voice; weaknesses include the color yellow and being on a very successful show for Americans who don't know any better.
Red Guy: Clearly has a form of autism, but they never say he has autism, which is what makes it hilarious. Clearly is gay, yet is dating Blossom; also hilarious. His power is to be the audience insert for the core fan group of authentic geeks, by correcting meaningless details with a speed that breaks the speed limit. One time he went on a show about the olive oil-based supervillain The Rachael Ray, and was completely fucking charming:

Adorable. Can't be explained. Red Guy was struck down by a blast of the Rachael Ray immediately after this clip, but will return this fall, now that contract negotiations have been settled, more powerful than she can even imagine. The Pony Man and The Bat Man salaries are still on the table, but nobody cares, not even them. Excelsior!

[Video via Youtube and Youku]

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