The rumor mill built over True Detective second season's swift-flowing mystery river has ground out more twists than there even were in that craaaaazy first season (there were not actually that many twists in the first season!). One week this A-list star's pretty much confirmed, the next, nothing is true because truth is a fairy tale spit from the cracked lips of a dying God. So, with all these scraps of evidence(!!!) strewn about like Carcosan devil nets, Morning After's got an opportunity for you: You be the true detective! Separate fact from fiction in this (vaguely) informative not-really-a-quiz and find out what you could easily Google!
1. How many leads will the season reportedly have?
A. Three men and one woman.
B. Three women and one man.
C. Two teams of five tall men.
D. Two men with a big trench coat posing as one detective.
E. Three half-horses, three half-men.
F. Half a hundred sleuthy hornets in a Japanese lantern.
G. One human cop, one android cop.
H. An immeasurable quantity of police magic.
I. Three Jack Blacks.
J. A bad man with some good in him and a good man with some bad in him and a gay man with a nice suit.
K. Six teens, five days, one incredible summer.
L. One tall skinny guy and one short fat guy.
M. Four American presidents.
N. An old man and a pile of rocks.
O. Three men and a baby with a terrible secret.
2. Who is reportedly in talks to star in the new season?
A. Jessica Chastain.
B. Christian Bale.
C. Colin Farrell.
D. Benedict Cumberbatch.
E. No, seriously, Benedict Cumberbatch!
F. I definitely read that. Hold on, I'll look it up.
G. Cryin' Jon Cryer.
H. Jack Black! Three of 'em!
I. Tom Hanks and a big slobbery pooch.
J. Are you sure Benedict Cumberbatch isn't in it?
K. Sean Bean Cobain.
L. Kevin Hart.
M. Gary Cole.
N. Unknown actor Shmatthew ShmcConaughey, who looks for all the world like... no, it couldn't be. Could it?
O. A fat Bryan Cranston.
P. A young Brando.
3. Who may be directing the season?
A. Cary Fukunaga.
B. William Friedkin.
C. Ridley Scott.
D. Lee Daniels.
E. Roberto Orci, just to spite you.
F. My nephew is a wizard with iMovie, why not him?
G. Three thousand fans with cell phone cameras, like the Beastie Boys did.
H. A GoPro strapped to an excitable mastiff
J. No director; entirely found footage.
K. Three! Three! Three Jack Blacks! Count 'em up: one, two, three!
M. The free market.
N. Reptilians, like everything else.
O. Noted Hollywood picture director Johnny Hollywood.
4. What has Nic Pizzolatto said the season will be about?
A. The secret occult history of California's railroads.
B. The secret occult history of Wisconsin's dairy farms.
C. The secret occult history of Josh's cousin's house's above-ground pool.
D. Tired men glowering at glyphs.
E. The mayor is found jammed up inside one of those Chinese good luck cats. How did he get in there?
F. It's the annual Marlon County Truest Detective competition, and the field's more competitive than ever, but who's pinched the winner's pot?
G. Nudity and some other stuff.
H. An eight hour montage of fat sergeants hollering, "You two! My office!"
I. It's about nothing! A show about nothing!
J. Imagine just how much mischief three Jack Blacks would get up to. It fucking writes itself. My god.
K. Gals, and how they do.
L. Rust Cohle's late life career as a self-published author of self help books.
M. Someone stole the baby Jesus from the Mapleton town square nativity scene, and it's a whole ordeal.
O. They buy a zoo.
P. True Detective season 1, but with different wigs.
[Image via HBO]