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You can tell a lot about a city by its American Ninja Warrior contestants. In Venice Beach we got the usual amount of stuntmen and waiters, but if this week's Dallas-set qualifying round is any indication, 85% of all sporty white guys in the South are youth pastors. Take the gentleman in the above video: Rocky Thomas a.k.a. RapidFire is a self-described "gospel rapper" whose mad faith-based flow serves to prove that old adage "White people should probably not rap." So how do his skills translate to the ANW course? Not well, to be honest.
Other than that undeniable highlight, Week 2 brought the truly thrilling qualifying run of Kacy Catanzaro, who became the first ever female contestant to finish the qualifying course. (In past seasons women have been wild-carded into the finals, but this was the first time one actually climbed the Warped Wall and made the Top 30. Progress!) And the benefits of being a longtime viewer continued to pay off this week as perennial favorite Brent Steffensen (Catanzaro's boyfriend) shockingly failed to finish the course and was then knocked out of the Top 30 entirely by both his girlfriend and his 21-year-old protege. Oh, how the mighty have fallen into dyed-blue vats of water.
Also, of course, there were your boyfriends. A LOT of your boyfriends competed this week (including your boyfriend the chicken farmer and also your boyfriend with 11 toes) and many of them got beaten up very badly by the course! Bloody noses and dislocated shoulders abounded. Your boyfriends need to be more careful!
Anyway, without further ado, here is this week's parade of American Ninja Warrior's most attractive monkey-hunks: