Those 90-Day memories keep accreting in Week Six of TLC's third-most popular show about making terrible life choices, now that a certain human thumb has been dragged offstage forever. This week: Incipient child neglect, imaginary music careers, a tank full of actual sharks, and more.
Brett & Daya: Adventures in Babysitting
After a day with Brett's daughter Cassidy, who hates Daya because she is awful, this 90-day stepmom-to-be lays down quite the ultimatum: Choose Daya or die alone. Brett chooses Daya, but then in a stunning twist Daya takes the girl swimming in a filth pond and even brushes her hair, which is exactly how Cinderella got schnookered by this same con. Run, girl.
Cassia & Jason: Releasing the Kraken of Love
The notably frugal Jason forgot to propose to Cassia, so he takes her to a local fishtank and invites her to come live in his shark family. They hate each other more than anything that ever lived in the sea, but loneliness is a better aphrodisiac than any amount of pleasantries (or personalities).
Chelsea & Yamir: Not Without My Pretend Music Career
Yamir continues putting forth the questionable theory that he is a musician on his way to the top, and plans to kidnap Chelsea from her parents' house in order to make all of their delusions crash in on them at once. (The move is not to Paris or anything, it's to Chicago a few hours away, which means they are both equally worthwhile persons.)
Amy & Danny: Bachelorette Party
Q: Do You Know Your Groom?
A: No. That is not what this show is about. That is the opposite.
Q: Are You Nervous About Having Sex?
A: Ask me a few more times and I will be!
Q: Are You Aware That Your White Fiancé's Dad Is a Racist?
A: Why on Earth would that be a problem?
Justin & Evelin Versus His Shitty Family
Justin and Evelin invite his awful brother and sister-in-law for dinner so they can interrogate Evelin, but really so he will have her sympathy for being such a li'l soldier all these years with these awful people. After getting bitched out for her past relationships, religious background, and their family planning (plan: "no thanks"), Evelin and Justin strengthen their alliance by rescinding the gruesome twosome's invite to their stupid beach wedding anyway.
Danielle & Mohamed
Exist purely to remind us all to periodically check in and ask our better selves how far we'd go to get our cellphone bills, automobills, and other bills paid off: